A Brief History of Time: Bang! Galactic drift. Primordial soup. Dinosaurs. Cavemen. The Holy Roman Empire. Martin Luther. Martin Luther King Jr. The fourth season finale of The Sopranos. The United States invades Iraq. The Great Blackout of Ought Three. SARS. Schwarzenegger. Siegfried & Roy. Howard Dean. Average Joe. Joan Girardi. Janet Jackson. Aliens invade. Cancer is cured. Fox cancels Tru Calling. Humans evolve to gain a useful third nostril and lose their vestigial pinky toes. And now...the fifth-season premiere of The Sopranos.
A Brief History of Crime: Tony fetched the paper in his robe. Jimmy Altieri was a rat. Meadow needed to shut up. Brendan Filone got whacked. Tony fetched the paper in his robe. Big Pussy was a rat. Meadow needed to shut up. Richie Aprile got whacked. Tony fetched the paper in his robe. Ray Curto was a rat. Meadow needed to shut up. The Little Lord got whacked. Tony fetched the paper in his robe. Adriana was the rat. Meadow needed to shut up. Joey Pants got whacked. And now...the fifth-season premiere of The Sopranos.
Aaron: This is Das Sopranohaus, a residential compound in the heart of the Garden State. It's the fifth pit stop in a race around New Jersey to escape both existential angst and the occasional vengeful beheading. Couples arrived here at the end of the last...
David Chase: Okay, stop right there. You know, if there's one thing I really hate, it's when people characterize the show as some kind of...
Aaron: Aw, come on! We're all on the edge of our seats here! I mean, these guys have no idea where they'll be going next! Like, will Chris and Adriana finally take their relationship to the next level, or will Christopher shoot himself in the foot again? Can Tony and Carmela overcome adversity and an encounter with the local wildlife? And what about Bobby and Janice, who used their fast-forward to get married while everyone else was apparently frozen in time? Who will be eliminated...NEXT?
David Chase: [Sigh] Do we really have to do this every year?
Aaron: I know. But it's been so long, and I missed you, and I'm just really excited!
David Chase: Yeah. I can tell. Put that away, would you?
Aaron: Whoops. How about just a quick hug?
David Chase: No.
Aaron: A bomp?