Carmela waits sullenly by herself at a table, until Tony finally arrives and apologizes for being late. "So," he asks, "to what do I owe this pleasure?" Oy. He totally thinks she wants to get back together. "I don't know if you're going to see it that way," replies Carmela. "I have asked you to lunch to tell you that I'm filing for divorce." Dun dun DUH! And, of course, Artie chooses this precise moment to join them and smugly joke that he hopes they brought their appetites. Yeah. Because everyone else lost theirs after having to listen to this asshole. Tony sends him away, and then accuses Carmela of ambushing him in a public place so that he won't be able to make a scene. And then he reminds her that they're Italian, which means they believe in "the nuclear family" instead of divorce. Except the only things "nuclear" about the Soprano family are AJ's radioactive farts. Carmela: "Despite your best efforts, I have an attorney who is going to aggressively pursue my custody of AJ, and also an equitable distribution of our assets." They key word here, obviously, is "assets," and Tony immediately jumps on her for making this all about the money. "After all we've been through," snarls Carmela, "is it so hard to own up to anything beyond that bullshit tax return?" Before Tony can answer, however, Artie is back. Only this time, he doesn't even get to say anything before Tony growls, "Go stand over there, and I'll call you when I'm ready." Oh, yeah. Now that's the good stuff. It wasn't quite as much fun as watching Artie get his ass kicked, but in an episode filled to the brim with Meadow and Finn, it's probably more than I could have hoped for. Turning his attention back to the matter at hand, Tony reminds Carmela about the forty grand she stole out of the duck food, but that's not good enough for her. "You want this to get ugly?" she asks. "Because these guys live for that." "You think I don't?" he answers. He gets up to leave, but quickly circles back for the last word: "The only reason you have anything is because of my fucking sweat. And you knew every step of the way exactly how it works. But you walk around that fucking mansion in your $500 shoes and diamond rings, and you act like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth. And you don't want it to get ugly. Too late." Carmela: "I want what I'm entitled to." "You're entitled to shit," he replies. Then he looks up at Artie, announces that Carmela's ready to order, and stomps out of the restaurant. Well, that went about as well as could be expected.
Episode Report CardAaron: A+ | 609 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT