Madonna: You know, I think I wore that same dress to the '87 Grammys.
David Chase: I remember. I also still have like four hundred of those friggin' rubber bracelets. By the way, do you like my Swatch?
Back at Columbia, Meadow returns to her dorm. Caitlin immediately starts screaming at her, saying she was up all night with an image of Meadow "in the hospital with [her] throat cut." I think we've all had that image of Meadow at one time or another, wouldn't you say? Caitlin somehow gets onto the subject of the Lindbergh baby, and Meadow turns right around and walks back out, saying she's going to Noah's. "Yeah, well at least you have a boyfriend!" yells Caitlin.
Up in Noah's room, Meadow has taken Caitlin's complaint to heart and decided to find a guy for her. She asks if Noah has any friends, but instead of saying "no" as I expected, he declares that he wouldn't "subject [his] friends to Caitlin." I wouldn't subject my friends (including the one named Tannenbaum) to Noah, but that doesn't seem to be stopping them from watching. In fact, here are some actual comments from actual acquaintances of mine this week:
My boss: Did you watch last night? Was that some great pole-dancing or what?
A friend: I know! I love that song.
A co-worker: How come you're not as funny as Strega?
I swear to god I'm not making these up. The crack MBTV legal staff, however, is requiring me to declare that any other conversations which may appear in these recaps are completely fictional, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Except for the Michael Knight one. That really happened. Noah suggests that they take Caitlin out for her birthday. "It would cheer her up," he says. "And I bet I know what would cheer you up." Repeated viewings of this episode? Nope. It's sex. I guess sex is pretty much always the obvious answer to the question "What cheers you up?" I know it works for me. Which also explains why I'm depressed all the time.
Speaking of sex, we cut from a chaste shot of Meadow in her bra to a quite lewd shot of a bare-breasted Tracee, emerging from the Bing's back room. Tony is on the phone, giving home-repair instructions to Janice. Who? Oh, yeah. I guess she's still alive too. Tracee comes over and smiles at Tony, asking him if he notices anything different. When he doesn't notice, she explains that Silvio gave her a loan so she could get braces. How could he not notice those? They're so bright you could see a vampire's reflection in them. I'm downgrading my nine to a six. By the way, see what I did there? How I objectified and dehumanized her? Get used to it. That's the nicest thing anyone will ever do for Tracee from here on out. Silvio comes over and breaks up the party, sending her out onto the stage. As they watch her dance, Tony asks why Pants isn't paying for the dental work, and Silvio reports that he's "juicing her." For those more familiar with the lexicon than I, does that mean he's sleeping with her, or just loan-sharking? ["I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that there's no way Silvio would have shelled out three grand for anything other than those Invisalign things." -- Sars] After watching Tracee dance myself, I think I'll put that six back up to an eight.
Meadow, Noah, and Caitlin are strolling the mean streets of Manhattan. Noah suggests a bar, but Meadow claims to be tired, and he quickly gets the hint. Before they can head back, Caitlin spots a homeless lady, pushing a shopping cart and babbling to herself. She tries to give the woman some money, and is rewarded for her generosity when the woman's pants slip down, revealing several sheets of newspaper stuck to her butt. Caitlin screams in shock, and while I cracked up laughing the first time, this scene gets less funny with every time I watch. Except for Meadow's expression of disgust, that is. That'll always be funny. Talk about "smell-the-fart acting."