Pants' Place. He and Tracee are zonked out on the sofa, watching Spartacus. "This Moltisanti kid, he's got his head up his ass," complains Joey, and it's a nice touch that Chris would have recommended this movie to him. Pants goes on at length about why Gladiator was the superior film. "Look at Kirk Douglas' hair. They didn't have flat-tops in ancient Rome!" No, but they did have those funky Mohawk-helmet things. Despite the presence of a bottle of Rolling Rock (its label perfectly square and facing directly into the camera), Tracee gets up to fetch Joey a bottle of Fresca. By the way, I actually kind of like Rolling Rock, so that's why I mentioned the brand.
In Noah's room, he's freaking out to Meadow about getting a C-minus on his political science paper. Apparently, Caitlin kept bothering him with "the questions, the whining, [and] the crazy goddamn nonsense." Hmm. Sounds an awful lot like one of my recaps. He bitches about her some more, mentioning that even though he's an RA, she's technically not on his floor, so she's not his problem. When Meadow tries to convince him that one C-minus is not that bad, he gets even angrier. "I want options when I graduate." Here's another shockingly embarrassing personal revelation: I finished my first year of college with a 1.8 GPA. I think I went to a total of six classes in six months. And I know you're saying, "But Aaron, you're so erudite, and verbose. You must have gone to class." Nope. And while I may not have as many options as Noah, at least I still don't have a Daily News up my butt. The secret to my effusive nature, by the way? Sally Struthers's correspondence courses. They changed my life.
Back at the Pants Place, Silvio shows up and starts pounding on the door. Inside, Tracee and her bouncee, braless breasts bring Pants a pop tart. And a Fresca. But no Rolling Rock. She asks him if everything is all right. If it isn't, just how is she planning to go about improving a pop tart? I'm not even sure that's possible. She promises to always take care of him and their baby, just as Silvio starts pounding on the door. Pants lets him in, and Tracee immediately claims to have been sick for the past few days, and in this shot she does look quite unhealthy. Silvio berates her for having left her kid alone with her mom, and Pants actually starts to stick up for her until he learns that she owes Silvio $3,000 for the braces. Then he instantly changes his tune, saying, "Go on. Get out of here." He forgets to add the "Now," though. Silvio drags her outside, and when she talks back to him, he smacks her across the face, sending her smashing into the car. For someone who's so concerned about return on his dental investment, hitting his prize dancer right in the mouth doesn't seem like a very bright idea. Joey watches from his window, giggling like a schoolgirl. A very evil, very tonsorially-challenged schoolgirl, but a schoolgirl nonetheless.
Aprile Abode. Mr. and Mrs. Tony, Mr. and (the real-life) Mrs. Silvio, Pants, and Rosalie are gathered around the table, laughing and complimenting Rosalie on the food, when Jackie Jr. swings by for another quick thirty seconds of screen-time. The highlight of this installment is Tony telling him to "enjoy [his] youth." Then Little Lord Fuckpants leaves, and we cut to a dinner party of a very different sort. Meadow and Noah are meeting Noah's dad in a restaurant somewhere. Meadow is understandably a bit freaked out about meeting the parents, but Noah assures her that "it'll be nothing compared to meeting your dad," and you've gotta admit, the kid does have a point. They meet Dad at the table, and after a round of introductions, everyone sits down. Dad launches immediately into the name-dropping, mentioning that he negotiated Tim Daly's deal for The Fugitive. I thought we were supposed to believe this guy was a good agent? Noah brags that Daddy always flies first class, with "the personal DVD players" and whatnot, and Meadow seems to be a bit star-struck. When Dad mentions that he's in town to meet with Dick Wolf, Meadow mistakenly believes Dick is a sportscaster. Noah lists off all his shows, and Meadow claims to love them, but let's face it, Dicky hasn't done too well in the recap department, has he? Dad pointedly asks what Meadow's father does. She answers with "waste management," quickly amending that to "environmental clean-up" when he gives her a funny look.