Tony goes into AJ's room and finds AJ lying on his bed in his underwear. Tony tells him, essentially, to snap out of it, but AJ won't. Tony thinks he can yell AJ out of his depression, but AJ just starts crying again. Good Lord. AJ has cried more in this episode than I have in probably the last five years. Tony sits down and actually empathizes for a moment. He tells AJ that everyone gets the blues sometimes, and semi-jokes that the music industry wouldn't exist without it. He counsels, "These fucking women -- they'll drive you nuts with your emotions and whatnot. And I know it feels like you're never gonna love anybody again, but trust me, there's millions of girls out there that are dying to meet a guy like you." AJ sniffs, "Oh, I'm so special." Tony tells AJ that he's handsome, a hard worker, and white, which is "a huge plus nowadays." Oh, Tony. He was actually making sense there for a while, and I would even concede that a certain segment of the population might find AJ handsome, but "hard worker"? And white being a huge plus? Tony's final piece of advice is that AJ should "go out and get a blowjob." AJ yells that he doesn't want a blowjob. What twenty-year-old guy doesn't want a blowjob? And while Tony isn't exactly Mr. Sensitive, sometimes what you need when you're swimming in post-breakup hell is to go out and get drunk and make out with someone else. Now I'm sounding like That Guy: "Go out and find someone that looks just like her, fuck her and then dump her!" Tony tells AJ to keep it down, and AJ wonders who's listening in. Suddenly, the door swings open and Carmela is standing there, to AJ's chagrin. She chastens him for seeing Blanca again, but the appearance of his mother has made AJ revert back to hiding his face in the pillow and crying. Carmela says that it's killing her to see him like this, and AJ wonders what the point is, and asks his parents to leave him alone. Outside, Carmela says that she was glad when AJ and Blanca broke up due to "the culture divide," and Tony opines that "everything turns to shit." I wonder where AJ gets his pessimistic streak from?
Everyone arrives at Christopher and Kelli's house for Sunday dinner, including Tony's sister Barbara and her family, who fascinate me. I know there are only four episodes left, so it can't happen, but I would love to have an entire episode about Barb's family and show all the craziness and mayhem of the Sopranos as filtered through their apparently normal suburban existence. Kelli tells Christopher that she's freaking out, trying to host these people. Christopher heads outside with a giant plate of meat for the grill, and spots Tony and Bobby chatting seriously in the backyard. He asks Tony if he's having a good time, and Tony distractedly says that he is, but his conversation with Bobby seems almost like an argument. Eventually, they walk over, and Tony makes fun of Christopher for drinking nonalcoholic beer. Tony jokes that, if not for today, he'd never see Christopher, but then seriously asks Christopher why he's been "a ghost" lately. Christopher explains that it's hard for him to hang out at the Bing and stay sober, and that Satriale's is the same way. Tony thinks that all Christopher needs to do is "show some balls," like how Tony uses willpower to avoid food that will upset his stomach. Yeah, Tony's Mr. Willpower. Wasn't the previous episode all about Tony's gambling issues as more evidence of his self-destructive behavior? Christopher snaps that he has a disease, but Tony thinks that's bullshit. Christopher brings up his father, Tony's hero, and how he "wasn't much more than a fucking junkie." Did we know this about Dickie before? Is that true? I knew Christopher's mom was a drunk, but I didn't know his father did drugs. Tony doesn't deny it, so I guess there's something to Christopher's accusations.