Sopranos
Watching Too Much Television

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Our (Crack) House

Boy, Johnny Sack really loves this restaurant by the Brooklyn Bridge, doesn't he? They must give Ginny extra portions when he brings her there or something. Anyway, he's meeting with Paulie in person this time, but the conversation is basically the same. Paulie complains about Tony, while Johnny nods and smiles a lot. "Fuckin' Tony," whines Paulie. "Four months I'm up there like the man in the iron mask. Not one visit. Not even a fucking phone call." The man in the iron mask? That's a fairly obscure reference. Maybe Paulie is the one who's smarter than we give him credit for. Unless he was referring to the DiCaprio version, that is. "When do I ever complain?" he continues, blowing the "smarter than he looks" idea right out of the water. "Even before I left he was treating me like the ugly girl at the dance." The real news, however, comes when Paulie lets it slip that Tony and Boon have profited on yet another real estate deal without giving Carmine and Johnny their fair share. Perhaps realizing that he's let the cat out of the bag, Paulie asks for assurances that "this shit don't leave the table." Johnny promises him that it won't, and we close with a two-shot that provides a study in class differences as Johnny daintily folds his hands together and Paulie tries valiantly to scrape the last vestiges of chocolate mousse out of his bowl.

New Jack City. Uh, I mean, "Newark." Boon is meeting with constituents around the corner from the crack house when he spots Tony driving by in his Suburban. While Boon makes excuses and ditches his assistant, Tony is giving Wide Guy instructions on how to strip the houses. When Boon finally catches up with him, they share a brief, relatively pointless conversation about whether or not they'll be seeing each other at the Bing the next day. Then Tony leaves, and a precocious little black kid comes over to ask Boon if it's "gonna be a nice house here now." Heh. White guilt is always funny.

Hey! It's the "Like A Virgin" video! I love that video! Okay, just kidding. It's actually Adriana trying on a wedding dress, complete with V-shaped tiara and fingerless gloves. For some reason, she's got Monica Lewinsky with her. Okay, just kidding. It's actually just a friend or a cousin or something. Although I guess if anyone would know from dresses, it'd be Monica Lewinsky. Anyway, they chat about various other weddings (including the horrible faux pas of someone not "covering [their] plate") until Adriana mentions that the only reason she's getting married now is so that she can't be called to testify. Monica, however, begs to differ with that assumption, because she once saw an episode of Murder, She Wrote where that rumor was proven to be untrue. And I guess if anyone would know about the various legalities of grand jury testimony, it'd be Monica Lewinsky.

Cut to a sleazy law office, where a lawyer basically tells Adriana that she can, in fact, be called to testify against her husband. The only thing worth really caring about in this scene is the FDNY hat Adriana is wearing, and that's only because it's entirely possible that it was my father who sold it to the prop department. Hi, Dad!

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Sopranos

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