Watching Too Much Television

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Our (Crack) House

At the Bing, Silvio is paying out the profits from the scam to Boon and Vondie. He mentions that Tony has graciously rounded up their take to $60,000 each. As they pocket their envelopes and head for the door, Boon is feeling nostalgic. "Do you ever feel bad about any of this?" he asks. "When I think about where we started out…" Vondie has a slightly more practical view of the situation. "You cut corners, but you help out," he rationalizes. "Do the best you can. Hey, if it ain't us, it's gonna be somebody else. What are we supposed to be? The only honest men?" Boon still can't shake the feeling that he's failed at being a liberal, and the fact that this entire conversation is taking place while naked women are being oppressed and dehumanized on the stage behind him probably isn't helping. I know it's certainly not helping my concentration. "We were going to lead a revolution," he says. "The revolution got sold," replies Vondie, before referencing the Beatles appearance in an H&R Block commercial. I can't believe they passed up the chance to go meta by having him say "the revolution will not be televised," instead. That song kicks ass. The scene ends with Boon ogling Foreshadowing's silicone-enhanced breasts as he says, "Sometimes I feel like I should be punished." Be careful what you wish for, my friend. Be very, very careful.

Upstairs, Tony, Silvio, and Joey are toasting their success. "Here's something I never thought I'd say," says Tony. "Here's to the federal government." "Depends on which department," adds Silvio, which causes Joey to break into peals of hysterical laughter.

And then the Ironic Segue Fairy cuts us from Joey's cackling to an entire coven of mob wives cackling as well. By the way, see what I did there with the coven reference on Halloween? It's not much, I know, but it also hasn't been Halloween for three days now, so it's the best I can do. We're at Chez Soprano, watching Adriana open gifts at her bridal shower. Well, that's what most of you were probably watching. My mind is still dirty from the strip club scene, so I'm watching the incredibly short skirt Meadow is wearing. The kid may be a total brat, but she can really work that Jersey-girl look. Adriana opens a series of progressively more and more domestic gifts (including a cappuccino machine and same type of Cuisinart that Mrs. Little Stevie uses to make cheese-melts for Silvio), and everyone "oohs" and "ahhs" appropriately. Everyone except Adriana, that is, who looks quite forlorn now that her only ostensible reason for getting married has disappeared. She's even more depressed when the next gift turns out to be a hideously ugly giant leaf-shaped plate. Personally, I think she should just be thankful it's not a plastic singing fish.

If last week's episode was all about the Billy Joel, then this week's is clearly about Tony's Suburban. He's back behind the wheel yet again, and this time he's rocking out to Bachman Turner Overdrive. Which I suppose is better than Maximum Overdrive, because that would mean that the car was evil and trying to kill people. And since it would also mean that Emilio Estevez could show up at any minute, I vote we just stick with BTO. Tony disagrees, however, and fiddles with the dial until the Chi-Lites song we heard earlier comes on. Proving that certain songs have a very powerful capacity for sparking emotional memories, he quickly begins to cry as the music plays. I'm not going to quote the lyrics here, but you can just assume that they capture the theme perfectly.

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