Junior shuffles off down the street, and we cross-fade to much later than night, as he keeps right on shuffling across a bridge. He eventually ends up in an industrial park filled with shipping containers, where he's spotted by some cops in a patrol car. He immediately tries to run and hide, but the cops somehow manage to see right through his clever plan of stepping three feet to his left and ducking behind a dumpster. They very politely ask for his name and some details about why he's out in the middle of the night without any shoes on, but Junior is just as surly as ever. And you've got to give it up for a man who can keep a straight face while snarling the line, "Fuck you, copper. I know my rights." Now that's old-school. The cops are obviously used to dealing with senile senior citizens, and they do manage to cajole him into revealing his name. They probably weren't expecting to hear "Corrado Soprano," though, and they're both a little surprised at finding a major mob boss traipsing around in his stocking feet. They gently lead him over to the car, and then we cut to Junior's Joint, where they deliver him back to a grateful Janice. They also ask to see his identification, and while Bobby runs upstairs to fetch Junior's wallet, they inform Janice that he was found wandering somewhere in Newark. Then Bobby returns with the ID, and when the cops confirm that it really is Junior Soprano, they're not sure whether they should be impressed with their catch or feel saddened that the mighty have fallen. Once they're gone, Janice tries to tend to her uncle, but he's not interested. He insists that he just went out for some exercise, and refuses to let Bobby Jr. help him to the bathroom. "I can piss by myself!" he shouts, totally ignoring the fact that Bobby Sr. already told us in this episode that he can't even manage to shit for himself.
Livia's house. Tony is camped out in front of the TV when Bobby and Janice show up to report on Uncle Junior. When he hears that Junior may have Alzheimer's, Tony is predictably uncaring. "Good," he snarks, as he returns to Livia's chair. "Maybe he'll forget my phone number." Artie wanders in to offer them some leftovers from Vesuvio, and Janice rudely dismisses him right away by saying they're having a family meeting. Now see? She's not always evil. Tony keeps on insisting that Junior is dead to him, and that his uncle is only reaping what he sowed. "You sure did," Janice replies. "You ever think maybe there's a reason you're living here all alone, without your family?" Tony can't believe that his screwed-up sister is dispensing marriage advice any more than I could believe that Tony was dispensing marriage advice himself back in the stool softener scene. He lays into her for always running away from family problems, including when she took off for "Tibet, or Berkeley" back when she was eighteen. "I was sixteen when you left me in that house with our head-case of a mother," he screams. "Who you all of a sudden relate to so fucking well! Free spirit Janice! Rebel without a cause! While I sit here, mired in her bullshit trying to be a good son while you're off dropping acid and blowing roadies!" "Roadies?" exclaims Bobby, in the vocal equivalent of clutching at his pearls. "Oh, you don't want to know!" answers Tony. Hee! Janice backpedals, and practically tries to claim that she's never even met a roadie, much less fellated one. Tony, however, isn't finished venting, and he gets right up in her face as he continues. "Poor fucking Janice! She's so fucking depressed. Poor fucking Janice, she can't get up from the couch because she's so fucking tired from her Epstein-Barr. Poor fucking Janice!" Man, Livia really did a number on these poor fucking kids, didn't she? Bobby tries to break things up, but Tony keeps comparing Janice to their mother until she hauls off and smacks him across the face. He grabs her around the throat and starts choking her, as Artie and Bobby rush in to pull them apart. Before they're successful, however, one of Janice's flailing arms nails Artie right in the face, and I had to stop and rewind that on the TiVo at least a half-dozen times. Damn, was that satisfying. Especially in HDTV. I always hate recapping the long fight scenes on this show, because they're just so ridiculously exhausting, but that totally made it all worthwhile. I've almost got enough energy to go recap Deadwood right now. Almost. ["It's a moot point anyway." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Janice finally runs out of the house in tears, and Tony turns to Bobby and angrily tells him that if he wants more responsibility, he can start by controlling his wife. Yeah. That'll happen.