Sopranos
Where’s Johnny?

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Uncle Jun's Clan

Fade up on the Bing, basking in the afternoon sunlight. Inside, Tony sits at the darkened bar reading his paper, while Bouncer Bob does whatever it is he does all day back there behind the counter. Aww, I do love me some Bouncer Bob. Even though we all we know what's coming next, of course. They're soon joined by Steve Buscemi, who is making his laundry pickup rounds. He's got a uniform and receipts and everything, and Tony is actually offended at the idea of his cousin's doing an honest day's labor. Bah. Recapping is way tougher than dry cleaning, and I can assure you the chemicals are at least ten times as dangerous. Flick...ahh. Oh, and Julio? Fetch Daddy some turpentine. This is gonna be a tough one. Just don't let Regina know you're here, okay? Bony Blundetto (tm Tulse) is all business, though, and doesn't even have time for a cup of coffee. He does, however, have time to quote the Grateful Dead, mentioning to Tony that he told Feech about what a "long, strange trip" it's been. Hmm. I honestly wouldn't have pegged Tony Lite (tm Hanna-Reetta) as a Deadhead. He strikes me as more of a Wham fan, what with those suits and all. Especially since we already know he likes Queen. The reference to Feech doesn't sit well at all with Fat-Bottomed Tony, and he's soon forced to start singing the Exposition Rhapsody and delivering some key details about the mysterious bust that sent MassAgita (tm missy.angela) off to the joint. It seems that Tony S. was also supposed to be in on the hijacking that got Buscemi busted, but he got jumped by a couple of thugs on his way to the meet, and ended up spending the night in the emergency room. Tony at least has the grace to feel bad about things, as he points out that he got sixteen stitches, while his cousin got fifteen years. "You always were a lucky fuck," observes Mr. Teal. "Well, that's not completely true," replies Tony. Heh. Bouncer Bob -- who wisely fled the scene earlier -- now returns with the Bing's dirty linens. (I shudder to think just how dirty they must be.) Tony happily takes this opportunity to deliver Bouncer Bob's contractually required seasonal beat-down, only this time it's really more of a seasonal feel-up. Is it just me, or is Tony getting a little handsy with the help this year? Tony Rubs (tm Sylvester) takes off with the dirty laundry, leaving Bouncer Bob to the not so tender mercies of a man who once beat him with a talking plastic fish. Man, Bob just can't catch a break, can he? I mean, the guy is just a poor boy, from a poor family. So please, spare him his life from this monstrosity.

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Sopranos

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