Sopranos
Whitecaps

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | 5 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
It's The End Of The Season As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Continuing with this week's "Married to the Mob" theme, we now cut to Ginny and Johnny Sack, as she finds him enjoying a refreshing cigarette in the backyard. Flick…ahhhhh. She also informs him that they're late on their daughter's student loan payment, and that in response, she'll be going to Nordstrom's to buy clothes for their impending trip to Italy. Johnny is not at all pleased by this news, and snarls that he's losing money each and every day the Esplanade project remains shut down. Then he swears a few times and stomps off, leaving Ginny to wonder what she did to anger him.

Next we get an overhead shot of the Jersey Shore, which is easily identifiable due to the heaping mounds of medical waste separating the ocean from the road. Tony's Suburban pulls into a random driveway, and Carmela is confused to see her father's pick-up truck parked nearby. Because Tony's boyish smile and the large "For Sale" sign in the foreground aren't enough to give it away, she turns to ask him "what the hell is going on?" "That's for me to know and you to find out," he answers as they climb out of the car. After introducing her to the real estate agent, he points out that the house they're buying even has a name: Whitecaps. It's never said aloud, but I'm awarding StTM points anyway (228), mainly due to the excessively tacky nature of the seashells adorning the sign. Carmela is shocked, and concerned that they won't be able to afford the place with all the current Esplanade issues, but Tony remains philosophical about the whole thing. "It's for the family," he explains. "As the kids get older [read: demand more money for next season], it's harder to keep us all together. But this, this is a draw. And for us, too," he adds. "When we were piss-poor, this was the biggest caviar dream we could come up with." Somewhere in the world, Robin Leach rouses himself from a drunken stupor long enough to wonder, "But what about the champagne wishes?" Then he goes back to cursing his agent. "Kind of reminds you of the Kennedy compound, don't it?" Tony asks a still-unsure Carmela. Well, sure, if you consider the amount of rapists and bad drivers likely to be populating the place.

Inside the house, Tony and Carmela admire the ocean view while the real estate agent (named Virginia Lupo, which one can only assume is another lupus-related sickness pun) provides all the necessary exposition. It seems that the house has actually already been sold, but the presumptive buyers are having trouble coming up with financing. Since Tony would be offering cash (wink wink, nudge nudge), she thought there might be a chance they could swoop in and grab the place. Then she waves to the current owner, who lives next door and is standing out on his porch with the preppy over-the-shoulders sweater look, doing his best Bob Ross impersonation. The owner offers just enough of a jaunty wave to let us know that he's an asshole, and then the scene ends.

Courtroom. Sigh. The most boring trial in the world is finally wrapping up, with the judge proclaiming that the jury is unable to agree on a verdict. Man, you know things are bad when you actually start missing Judge Ito. Even so, the judge insists that he's going to instruct the jury to keep trying. Junior is furious, but F. Lee Melvoin reminds him that they have to let things play out. The jury is brought back in, and while the judge drones on about civic duties and whatnot, we get several shots of the other jurors rolling their eyes at the one dude Thin Guy targeted with a threat last week. Extended airtime is given to the only other juror with a SAG card here, just so that we'll recognize her later on. Meanwhile, Junior affixes Threatened Juror with his best Mr. Magoo death stare. Hee! "I'm going to ask you to reason with each other," continues the judge, "and apply the law, and come back in here with a verdict."

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Sopranos

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