Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | 4 USERS: B
It's The End Of The Season As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Incidentally, my Hawaiian secret admirer rocks!

Now see? This is what I meant when I called bullshit on that USA Today article. HBO is all like, "We want to show competing brands, because it's realistic," but when you get right down to it, there's been precisely ONE non-Apple computer shown in the four seasons of this show. And here we are in Office Max again, complete with long, lingering shots of the company logo, when I'm fairly certain there's got to be at least one Staples somewhere in the Newark metropolitan area. Somebody better douse that HBO rep in Snapple, because if she lies anymore, her pants are going to catch fire. Once the commercials are out of the way, we pan over to see Tony and Johnny Sack walking the aisles for a business meeting. Johnny explains that Carmine hasn't changed his position on the Esplanade and HUD deals, and further exposits that a move by Tony to whack Carmine would be at least understood by the other New York bosses. "If I do it, what do you do for me?" asks Tony. "I take a sad song, and make it better," replies Johnny. Heh. He says he can smooth things over with New York, but he's still finding Tony slightly harder to manipulate than Paulie was. They tie things back to the real world with a mention of the Paul Castellano hit, and Tony sets his terms for agreeing to the job: "All claims to my HUD business are irrigated," he malaprops. "And all future construction projects are 60/40 in my favor." Johnny looks like he swallowed a bug, but he finally agrees. Then they hug. Aww. Nothing brings two guys together like an agreement to kill the boss. Just look at me and Daniel.

Back in the car, Tony explains to Christopher about the hit on Carmine. Chris is impressed that they've got Johnny Sack's backing, and Tony reminds him of how hurt Johnny was when Carmine failed to support him during The War of the Ninety-Five Pound Mole. "Life's funny, huh," opines Christopher, basking in the newly-headless irony of it all. He then suggests using some "black guys" he knows that could provide plausible deniability for the hit. "Are they trustworthy, these guys?" asks Tony. Chris assures him that they are, and Tony instructs him to "make sure," while delivering the now-patented look that means "making sure" will involve a significant amount of gunplay.

It seems that into everyone's life a little shirtless Moltisanti must fall. It's probably not as good as shirtless Facinelli, for those of you who are into that sort of thing, but I suppose it will have to do. He and Tony are down at the beach house when the lawyer next door comes over to find out who's loitering on his property. The guy is played by Bruce Altman, who's made a career out playing smarmy guys, and with good reason. He is pretty smarmy. Anyway, Tony introduces himself to Lawyer Bruce, who doesn't even bat an eyelash when he hears the presumably recognizable name "Tony Soprano." They banter about the house and the other buyers for a few minutes, and the upshot is that Lawyer Bruce calls off the original deal, and agrees to sell to Tony.

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