Sopranos
Whitecaps

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | 4 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
It's The End Of The Season As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Back at Maison de Soprano, Carmela rolls over in bed to take a call from the real estate agent. She's ecstatic to learn that they got the house, and we immediately cut to her, Tony, and AJ pulling up in front of the place. Carmela seems to be feeling much better as she exclaims over how beautiful everything is, but then Meadow shows up with her boyfriend, her babushka, and her bad attitude to spoil everything. "Oh my God, this is nice," she says, as if she didn't believe such a thing was possible coming from her parents. Shut up, Meadow. "You'll inherit this," says Tony as Foreshadowing leads them inside.

A quick cut later, we're out on the beach at sunset with Tony and Carmela. "Anthony Soprano, you are full of surprises," she tells him, unaware of some of the more vicious surprises still to come. "It's good to see a smile on your face," he replies, as they kiss in the surf. Careful observers of foreshadowing will note that the placement of Carmela's hands in this scene almost makes it appear as if she's pushing him away. Even in their most tender moment all season, their fate remains inevitable.

Far away from the pounding surf, Christopher is meeting with the aforementioned black guys in an inner-city neighborhood. They quiz him about his sobriety, and remind him of their loyalty: "We sold you H when that was your thing, and still we're here when it's wop-whacking time in Brooklyn." Incidentally, the one guy's facial hair and headgear selection goes a long way towards making him look like the bastard child of Adebisi and Said. "It should look like a car-jacking," explains Christopher, prompting yet another meta reply: "See? That's why you came to us. That's some stereotypin' shit." Heh. Christopher delivers the details on Carmine's mall-walking schedule (also heh), and then hands over a down payment on the hit.

And now, despite the fact that we're already quite a few pages and twenty some-odd minutes into the episode, the real fireworks finally begin. AJ cruises through the kitchen to the refrigerator, and stops to answer the phone when it rings. It's Irina, and as usual, she's drunk and attired in some very fetching lingerie. At least she has the courtesy to look sexy while she's annoying me, unlike, oh, say…Meadow, for example. After referring to AJ as "the handsome boy" (and what's up with Tony's goomars' tendencies towards pedophilia this season?), she asks to speak with his mother. Carmela gets on the phone, and Irina immediately informs her that she "used to fuck [Carmela's] husband." Carmela quickly hangs up, but the phone rings again seconds later. This time Irina is even more talkative. "Tony loves me, you know?" she slurs. "If it wasn't for his kids you'd be out on the street." Only Irina could take the whipping Tony gave Boon as a sign of love. Well, maybe Joey could, too, but now we'll never know, will we? She then goes on to spill the beans about Svetlana, claiming that she and Carmela have something in common because they're both being cheated on. Then, after Carmela calls her a piece of shit, Irina adds this little gem: "Yes, I am a piece of shit. I'm a piece of shit which the world every morning strains and pushes out of its butt." I don't even know what that means, but ew nevertheless. The women hang up on each other after exchanging threats, and Carmela takes a moment to compose herself.

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Sopranos

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