Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | 5 USERS: B+
It's The End Of The Season As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Whitecaps, baby! Tony pulls up in front of the beach house after dark, and uses a code-activated lock box on the front door to sneak inside with some blankets and a pillow. He settles in for a refreshing night's sleep on the hardwood floor.

And seeing as how Tony often dreams of legs, we now cut to Adriana's shapely calves, as she strides through a parking garage on her way to a meeting with Agent Not Mare. After grinding out her cigarette with a Jimmy Choo heel, Adriana climbs into Not Mare's car and prepares to endure an interrogation. Not Mare asks about Christopher, and when she hears that he's now clean and sober, she asks if the wedding is back on. "We haven't talked about it," answers Adriana, "But I think things look good for next season. Maybe even in the final episode! Wouldn't that be romantic?" Not Mare next asks about Tony, and then brings up the missing Joey Pants. Adriana's response? "Chrissy says he has a pretty serious drug problem, too. He may have hit bottom somewhere. Chrissy says he wants to help get him in recovery when he resurfaces." Hee! "Hit bottom"? "Resurfaces"? Now THAT'S comedy gold, Jerry. Then she asks if Not Mare knows Joey's second in command, and a perfect shout-out opportunity is wasted when Not Mare calls him "the fat guy" instead of "the wide guy." Damn you, Not Mare! Now I'm all pissed that you didn't get convicted on Law & Order the other night. Anyway, it seems that Wide Guy kept calling Adriana every five minutes while Christopher was away to see if she "needed anything." Not Mare agrees that this represents some seriously skeevy behavior, and the girls share a little bonding moment. Damn. Well, I guess that explains why Lauren Ambrose has stopped returning my calls. After the moment dissipates, Adriana says she has to go meet her mother, and Not Mare sends her on her way.

Down by the sea, Tony is still sleeping on the floor when Lawyer Bruce starts pounding on the door. Tony clambers up to let him in, and explains that "things aren't very good at home," and his boat is being refinished, so he decided to sleep there. Lawyer Bruce, who's been divorced three times himself, suggests meeting perfunctorily with all the top divorce lawyers in the area so they can't take Carmela on as a client. Then he tells Tony to check into a hotel, because he doesn't want to be liable if something happens before the sale is finalized. Oh, he's a real prince of guy, that Lawyer Bruce. Tony agrees, and shuffles off to find a shower.

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