Whoever Did This

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
Slice Me Up!

Now we get some shots of Tony cleaning up the kitchen, inter-cut with Christopher cutting off Joey's hands. Then suddenly they're both on the couch, watching an old Elizabeth Taylor movie that I'm sure provides an additional layer of meaning that I'm missing. Tony is eating again, and this time it's peanut butter right out of the jar. They discuss Chris's impending marriage and the prospect of his becoming a father, and then the phone rings. Joey's answering machine provides us with one final reminder of what an asshole he could be. "Leave a message," it says. "And make sure you leave a number. With my busy schedule, I cannot look up phone numbers." Of course, that's not necessarily surprising, since the suddenly ubiquitous Joey Pants has been interviewed just about everywhere in the past few days. Everywhere but here, that is. I guess he couldn't be bothered to look up my email address, like all of the other crazy freaks who think I'm the Aaron on The Bachelor have managed to do. Where's the love, Joey? Anyway, Christopher isn't even sure he wants to have kids, because you never know how things will turn out. "Those kids on milk cartons," he says. "Teenage girls, they run away, God knows what happens to them. Killed, I guess." You know, just like Tracee? Tony stands up when he hears this, to better underscore his subliminal motives for the killing, and declares that they'll move the body as soon as it's dark. Then he tries to embellish his "I found them like this" story with a few additional details, and Christopher plays along by pointing out that Paulie was out of town all day.

Later, Tony is putting together the finishing touches on Joey's burial shroud, which will apparently consist of some curtains (still on the rod), some chains (because of course Joey would have chains), and a bowling ball bag (because they need to set up a cute joke for later). He drags everything upstairs, where Christopher is waiting with the body. "I heard about your horse," he says to Tony, but when you consider that Tony himself found out only a few hours ago, I'm not sure how that's possible. It does, however, provide Christopher the opportunity to subtly hint that he knows why Tony might have killed Joey. In the single most disgusting shot of the entire series (and that includes Janice and Joey), Christopher reaches into the tub and pulls out Joey's severed head, which he drops into the bowling ball bag. Props to the, uh, prop department on that one, by the way. The likeness was incredible. Suddenly, we hear a thumping from downstairs, and both Tony and Christopher freak out. Then Tony realizes that it was only the bowling ball, and they share a tense laugh. Chris adds Joey's hands and toupee to the contents of the bag, and goes to retrieve the wayward ball.

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