Whoever Did This

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
Slice Me Up!

David Chase: You do realize we'll be going head-to-head for Best Drama this year, right?
Alan Ball: Bring it on, old-timer!
David Chase: Don't make me get out the belt.

Out in the front room, Joey runs into Silvio, Christopher, and Paulie on his way out. He hugs Chris and Silvio, and thanks them for the flowers they sent, but then pointedly ignores Paulie as he turns to leave. Tony soon takes his place, and immediately has to listen to Paulie begin bitching about Joey and his "alligator tears." Heh. Tony suggests having a little sympathy for the guy with the badly injured child, but Paulie couldn't care less. "You forget the thousand incidents with that guy?" he complains. "I know it was that miserable prick who called Ma at the home. They had to put her on Xanax just so she could sleep. She was in the hospital unit for an hour-and-a-half with nervous bowel syndrome!" Wow. I certainly hope she didn't get anything on her shoelaces. Tony tries to placate him, describing the prank call as "fucked up," but he also insists that no one knows for sure it was Joey who called. "If I get proof it was him, he's a fuckin' corpse," shouts Paulie, before adding that "there's a line in the sand" when it comes to mothers. Tony gets right up in Paulie's face and sprays The Spittle of Foreshadowing as he loudly insists that NO ONE will be killing Joey Pants. Then he calmly offers to go visit Mama Walnuts, and Paulie's face lights up with happiness. His grievances addressed, Paulie walks away, leaving Tony and Silvio to commiserate over the fact that Paulie has no children, and thus can't understand what it's like. Meanwhile, Christopher is standing two feet away, doubling our daily recommended allowance of subtext by reminding us of Adriana's troubled ovaries.

Junior's Joint. A middle-aged woman is administering Junior's psychiatric exam, and he's not doing very well. Or maybe he's doing extremely well, depending on how you look at it. He misses the first two questions, which involve word repetition and the Pledge of Allegiance, but then does manage to correctly identify the current president. Except the he forgets to include the "W" between "George" and "Bush," so I guess you could argue that he got that one wrong as well. "And who was the president before George Bush?" asks the examiner. "John Kennedy," replies Junior, with a giggle-inducing patriotic grin. "You know where I was when he was shot?" he adds. "I was getting a haircut." Bwa! Although, as a follicle-challenged individual myself, I guess I shouldn't laugh at the guy for being bald. After all, Junior, it was you and me.

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