Whoever Did This

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 1 USERS: A+
Slice Me Up!

In the interests of making this as complete an episode of The Sopranos as possible, director Timothy "White Shadow" Van Patten now cuts us to a wholly gratuitous shot of Valentina's naked ass, as she lies sprawled across a bed with Tony. Their slumber is interrupted by his cell phone; it's Lois calling with bad news. There was a fire at the stables, and even though Pie-O-My survived the initial blaze, she so was so badly injured that they had to put her down. Tony hangs up, and lets the news sink in as Valentina pulls on her underwear in the background.

Tony comes straight to the stables, where he and Lois share a wordless look as they stand in the ruins. "It just went up?" he asks. She reports that the fire marshal believes it was electrical in origin, because they found a burnt-out light bulb, and the hay would have served as a natural accelerant. Pie's body lies on the ground at Tony's feet, and he peeks under the blanket which covers her to see the extent of her injuries. Just as he does, we pull back to see that the corpse has been attached to The Backhoe Of Foreshadowing with The Chains Of Foreshadowing, and then Foreshadowing himself hops into the driver's seat to drag Pie's body away. Tony watches this stoically, and then glances contemplatively over at the charred light socket where the fire began. Meanwhile, the goat looks right into the camera, and reprises his ventriloquist act by bleating without moving his mouth.

Pants Manor. Tony has come over to deliver the bad news to Joey, who appears to be fairly shocked when he hears it. Joey invites him in for coffee, and they walk back into the kitchen, where we're informed that Justin is going to be mostly okay. Or he will be after the years of rehab and the learning to speak all over again, that is. Tony glosses right over this happy news to provide the somewhat unnecessary detail that Pie was still alive after the fire, but was burned so badly that she had to be put out of her misery. "What sick fuck would do something like that?" wonders Joey, who's busy at the stove making scrambled eggs. "Right," replies Tony. "What sick fuck?" That gets Joey's attention, and he looks up to see what Tony is talking about. "It's funny about God, and fate, and shit like that," continues Tony. "The horse gets better, we take out two hundred grand in insurance on the race coming up, and suddenly there's a fire." Joey insists that the fire must have been an accident, but Tony isn't buying it. He even asks if Joey has been talking to the arsonist they used to burn Vesuvio in the first season, but surprisingly does not mention the garbage truck fires Joey started himself in his Sopranos debut.

Joey finally snaps, and starts shouting to defend himself. In his view, the horse was sick all the time, and was only going to get worse, so the $200,000 payday is a "bolt from the blue." "Jesus Christ," spits Tony. "You did it. You cooked that horse alive." "No. I. Did. Not!" shouts Joey, "but so what? It's a fucking animal. It's a hundred grand apiece. My kid's in the fucking hospital. I don't hear you complaining when I bring you a nice fat envelope. You don't care where that comes from!" It's a good point, but it only makes Tony angrier. Joey, however, doesn't know when to quit. "What are you, a vegetarian?" he asks. "You eat beef and sausage by the fucking carload." Uh oh. That was not a smart thing to say. As always with Tony, meat is the final straw. He snarls and punches Joey right in the face, and we're off!

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