Whack. Golf range. The Rocke-who cranks one into the night sky. She undresses Dan Hedaya with her eyes as he shanks one. I give up. "Two out of three, right?" he slimes.
Back to the love shack, we're treated to a full-on crotch shot of Patty as she then rolls off Rickman. "I can't," she sobs. "Thank god," we reply. She blabs that she can't cheat on Robert. Rickman is kinda sad as she says that she can't keep living like this: "I am hotter than a fox in a firestorm." Ha. I get it. Fox is going to be in a firestorm if they don't figure out a way to pull some ratings with this show. In all fairness, it's a tough time slot. They might as well just play old episodes of Herman's Head or something. I'm sure they could buy the tapes on eBay for a few bucks, tops. Rickman says that he'll find a way to "put out that fire" without their cheating.
Driving range. The Rocke-who (well, the golf double) lets another perfect drive fly: "Did I mention that I was ranked eighth nationally in my senior year at Stanford?" Wah wah wah. Dan Hedaya shanks another one. I'm actually gaining respect for him that he doesn't know how to play golf.
Love room. Rickman searches for a vibrator for Patty on the Internet. She chooses the Distressed Brown for a color, batteries, and a carrying case. He "orders" it, and she leans her head on his shoulder. "You're the best, Freddie." "Damn straight." Great. You think you did her a favor but now she's going to get brochures every other day. I mean...not that I know. I'm just...assuming.
Anyway. Perfume party. TES and Eyebrows nuzzle on the balcony as Eyebrows says, "C'mon. I want you to tell me all about life at Balmont." Jesus. TES is blinder than Roy Orbison on the beach without his sunglasses. Suddenly, Goldberg shows up, there to meet Rickman. Goldberg pulls TES aside and apologizes for the dancing thing. They hug. Goldberg isn't done. Lord knows Goldberg isn't ever done. He asks whether Rickman knows that TES is out "sniffing fragrances with Bridget Deshiell." TES keeps smiling, still clueless that he's being played like a harmonica at a Blues Traveler concert. Finally the hammer whacking TES over the head does a tiny bit of good as Goldberg asks if TES is the one who brought her in for the PCS job. "Dude, she's a third grade teacher," claims TES. Keep the dream alive, TES. I mean, she must be. He heard kids in the background on the phone. Goldberg throws the hammer off the balcony and tells TES what my cat spelled out in sparkle balls half an hour ago: Eyebrows is gunning for the PCS job at Balmont-Stevens. As the dim light of recognition flickers in TES's eyes, Goldberg continues that Eyebrows even found out what Hoffmeister was charging, and undercut his fee; she's coming in for her final pitch tomorrow. Meanwhile across the party, Eyebrows just stares at the ground unconcerned, perhaps secure in the knowledge that TES isn't the sharpest stock on the NASDAQ. "You didn't say anything about the job?" TES: "Not intentionally." He puts down his drink where it could fall any second down onto 45th Street, and walks through the party in the opposite direction of Eyebrows. She follows after him, still unaware that her cover's been blown. Man, these two are like Toys R Us the day after Christmas: Clueless.