Outside. Alex and Eyebrows are indeed going on the honeymoon together, now only having two hours before the flight leaves. As they get in a car, Alex says that she can't believe she's doing this. I can't believe I don't get to watch.
So the party is winding down and the Christmas Carol of Unearned and Obviously Failed Dramatic Desperation Moves is playing and Rickman gets off the phone with someone. The Rocke-who sidles over and tells Rickman that the song was just a joke and that as much as she hates him, she's going to try to be more tolerant of him this year. Rickman says nothing, so The Rocke-who bitches off. "Have you ever felt a cancerous testicle?" he asks. She tells him that he is a revolting little man. He explains, stunned, that he just got off the phone with the doctor, who gave him the results of his biopsy (I thought he had a blood test, but is it really worth split hairs now, folks?): "I have a tumor in my left testicle." This stops her. He goes on to explain that they're going to cut it out "to see if it's malignant" and if so then determine if the cancer has spread. Just asking, but wouldn't they not cut off his ball until they know if it's cancerous of not? Anyway. Rickman goes on, "It's like, I just got the biggest bonus of my entire career..." and he starts to cry. (Again, not to stop to flow of the sad, but wasn't the whole premise of this episode that everyone's bonus was going to be low?) He continues the thought that he can't even enjoy the money and cries more and The Rocke-who comes over to give him a hug. "How was your day?" he asks, through the tears. "I'm sorry," she says, before pulling down his pants and...No, it's over. That's it! Wow. We fade to black. Fox 11 News tells me that Bush is our new President and the tears flow, for the country, for The $treet, but mostly for Rickman. I'll miss that dickhead.
Well, that's it, folks. Darren Star, you tried. I hope we all learned a lesson from this. What exactly that lesson should be, other than be a little more careful with casting...and also, investigate exactly what you're getting into before you agree to recap a new Fox show next time. ["Ha! Given what we have lined up for you next, I hope you won't." -- Wing Chun]