The Street
Miracle On Wall Street

Episode Report Card
Stee: C+ | Grade It Now!

So. This is it, kids. The final The $treet. Christmas came early for me this year. Oh, I know. Don't cry. There will be other mediocre, over-hyped, ultra-expensive disappointments in future seasons. I promise. But man, a reported $2.3 million, this show cost...per episode. Makes you think, huh? Makes you think what else Fox could have bought for just one episode of this shit:

  • 7667 Playstation 2s.
  • 60 new BMW Z3 convertibles.
  • Could pay my rent for over three-hundred and sixty years.
  • 3.8 million Twix candy bars at the vending machine where I work.
  • They could purchase my entire wishlist 476 times.
  • They could produce 92 movies with the same budget as 1997 Sundance winner In The Company Of Men.

I'm just sayin'...

Anyway, previously on The $treet...Ooh, no "previously." Don't even care if we care anymore, which we don't really. Okay. Straight in, then.

Trading room. It's all Christmased-out with lights and flowers and ornaments. Okay, so maybe this episode cost $2.4 million. The boys sit around, bored at their computers. The feeling is quite mutual. TES bounces a red ball against his monitor as Goldberg comes up, announcing that the "bonuses for Peachtree" just came out, which I guess is a rival bank...and, incidentally, the name of a sleazy motel I once stayed at in Oregon. TES guesses that the bonuses are around $600,000, because that company had a good year. "A stick," says Goldberg. "That's some carrot," says an extra. Timmy-Fell-Down-A-Well asks what a stick is. "A million bucks." And a carrot? "A carrot is a carrot." Nicky plays with a yo-yo and listens sheepishly, since he sucks at his job, as TES explains to Timmy that traders get just enough to get them by during the year, and that their end-of-year bonuses can be up to ten times their annual salary. Thus, carrot -- meaning what gets the "donkeys" to pull their loads all year. I love how they're explaining all this to us now that it won't matter anymore. I wish once they'd learned of the cancellation, they'd just taken out all the exposition and added more commercials. That would have been my end-of-the-year bonus. ["Your $600,000 MBTV writer's Christmas bonus isn't enough? Geez." -- Wing Chun] Rickman comes by and asks the boys to follow him into the bathroom to take a look at something. They do takes to the camera. Wah-wah.

Bathroom. The Guitar of Impending Cock plays as Rickman pulls a reluctant TES and Nicky NotKatt into a stall with him. The boys laugh and wonder what hijinx good ol' Rickman has in store for them, since their lives these days obviously consist of nothing more exciting that yo-yo's, answering Timmy-Fell-Down-A-Well's stupid questions, and playing with balls. Speaking of playing with balls, Rickman suddenly drops his pants. Credits. For the last time. Enjoy them. Savor them. This will be the very last...I'm going to go get a drink.

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The Street




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