Rickman at his desk. He talks to his wife on the phone, telling her that they don't have the test results yet. "That's so easy for you to say, Jill. It's not your ball." Ha. Was her name Jill in the previous episodes? Oh well, I can't think of a more moot point now...aside from, well, everything. Oh, maybe he's saying "Jo," as in Joanne. Sorry, I'm fixating. We'll continue. She apparently responds that in a way it is her ball, and he says that he has to go. Timmy-Fell-Down-A-Well, the angel of irony, gives Rickman his bonus check. He opens it...it is apparently a lot, but like, pales in comparison to the whole ball thing. An aisle down, a very white MC says, "Wassup Balmont-Stevens! It's time to get your groove on." That's rap-speak for, "Pack your shit and call CAA." Meanwhile, Goldberg heads to the elevator bank where Alex announces that Father and Leelee have to leave the country that night, and so they're going to sign the deal right then. Father will do the singing alone with Alex in the conference room, due to Islamic culture that won't let the girl be present, and asks Goldberg to entertain Leelee. Gulp.
The Rocke-who stands up on a "stage" and presents the Trainee class of 2000. "Hear hear," says Giancarlo, pretending he's in some nineteenth-century Parliamentary debate, rather than an investment bank in the year 2000. The Trainees line up, all dressed as drag Santas, and begin singing a version of The Beatles' "Money," with the lyrics changed to being about Rickman having a small penis and ball cancer. Seriously. The lyrics include "Tiny woodpecker" and "Lumpy kumquats." Rickman smiles eventually.
Forbidden sex room. Goldberg clears off the couch for Leelee. As he goes to touch her, she stops him, then removes her headdress. The Music of Eighteen Minutes Left To Go plays as we dissolve to a commercial for Castaway. Fitting title, considering that's what's being done to The $treet.
Forbidden sex room. Leelee turns out to be that Seven-Eleven worker chick from SubUrbia. They kiss. Goldberg stutters and asks: why him. She says it's because of his beard. She is very aggressive, pushes him down, and tells him that the beard makes him look like her brother. Blah ha ha.
Trading room/bar. Jennie Garth is bored as Nicky gets her some champagne. SantaDrag Timmy grabs a drink and pulls Jennie away. He asks her if she's sure this is a good idea. She tells him that he has a sexy ass and walks away. Dude, what's with all the incest? Did Angelina Jolie and her brother script this episode or something? Rickman asks TES what he'll do if he actually has cancer. TES doesn't know. TES doesn't know anything.