The Street
Propheting On Losses

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More sexual harassment than NAMBLA-day at Disneyland

Ready for another try, kids? Ready to see if The $treet, which fared poorly in the ratings the first time around, can do better? Ready to see if $tee can hold on? Yeah, me too. Let's go...

Previously on The $treet. TES got a blowjob from Alex. Rickman put his erection against the butt of his boss, the The Rocke-who, and was not immediately fired. She demeaned his penis size instead, because, you know, it's Wall Street and that's what we do here. Replay of the opera/sex bit with Nicky NotKatt and Donna. Timmy-Fell-Down-A-Well freaked out in Giancarlo's office. Giancarlo told Timmy that he had big balls, 'cause again, we're on Wall Street, baby, and Wall Street is about men and all things manly. TES told Alex not to come home "tonight." Goldman met Xena.

So The Worst Song Ever Written plays: "Ten...Kiss me on the lips. Nine...Run your fingers through my hair," as TES and Alex make love, (not money.) Number two of two episodes begun with sex. Hm. Just coincidence, I'm sure. So the sex is "passionate" and Alex disappears down his body, ready for blowjob number two when...Oh, the trickery! The lights change and the radio alarm comes on and TES is alone. Wacky! He hits his alarm with authority and we're off.

TES walks down the crowded street (same New-York-Is-A-Busy-And-Yet-Paradoxically-Lonely-Place shot as last week) looking more like a boy going to "Take your sons to work day" than an actual adult trader. Lobby. He swings through the doors only to be confronted by FiancéeAlex. She needs "underwear," a word that stops the lobby-walkers cold. He tells her to call him later to discuss things. The Rocke-who asks how Alex is, and she says she's been staying on her friend's "smelly futon" (a high-income banker can't afford a hotel room?), and that her parents' wedding-hall deposit has gone down the drain. She walks away and The Rocke-who very carefully steps up to her mark right in front of the camera and bitches, "Have a nice day." And...crazy, sleek new intro which I guess they didn't have time to finish by the pilot. Bridgette Wilson is part of the cast now, I guess. Jennifer Connelly gets a "with..." on her credit and Goldberg an "and...." Go kids, with your bad selves...and your good agents. Go.

Goldberg leads the morning meeting again. I guess that's his thing. It's "Monday" morning and he says that the foreign markets are good because "the Japanese are fans of our new President." Ha. They made this a little too early. Instead, right now, the Japanese, along with the rest of the world, are going, "Huh? Crazy mixed-up Americans." ["That's the truth. The three Canadians here are completely riveted to CNN from 10 AM until about 3 PM, whereupon the screeching gets to be too much and we put on a Dr. Dre album instead. Anyway." -- Wing Chun] Goldberg stammers and asides his way through his lines with Goldbergian aplomb before handing it off to the slicked-back-haired and sunglassed Giancarlo.

Bossman reports that Balmont-Stevens' banking, sales, and trading rankings are down. He goes on, "...which means my job is in jeopardy. Your jobs are in jeopardy." Phew, as long as our love's not in The four men -- Goldberg, NotKatt, TES, and the sleazy Rickman -- stroll through the halls after the pow-wow. NotKatt is worried that he's about to get "the Fishberg" due to his recent low sales. Since no one cares about the former Navy moron, conversation quickly turns to TES's apparent break-up with Alex. Rickman thinks it is very justified, while Goldberg uses the word "egregious." Rickman goes on to say that TES loved Alex's "impostor" and didn't even know the "traitor" Alex. He says that women are cats: "They're stealthy, they're devious, and they're inscrutable." Meanwhile, men are like dog, he says. Goldberg stammers, "But I like my kitty-cat. What does that say about me?" Rickman: "That you're a woman." Goldberg then talks about things with "the dildo princess." (Xena.) He describes how they were having dinner at a Chinese restaurant (and we see this in flashback), when suddenly she suggests, out of the blue, that they have a threesome. Goldberg spits Chow Mein out of his mouth. In the present, Goldberg wonders if it's too early in a relationship to go nuts like this. Rickman scums, "Dude, the chick is a medieval, nymphette stripper. Fast is not an issue." The two men tell Goldberg he has to do it. Goldberg walks away, muttering either, "I walked out of my way for this" or "I thought you'd love Maura's kids." I can't tell with the crazy mumbling Goldberg style that the kids love so much these days.

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The Street




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