Surreal Life
A Psychic, A Drunk, And A Hairy Monster

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Return Of The One-Eyed Monster

Meanwhile, Cheri's telling Trishelle that she sees a man in black. I'm guessing Trishelle was porking Johnny Cash right before he died. Cheri says that the man in black is angry, and then blurts out that Trishelle's boyfriend may be dying. Cheri then sends Trishelle off on her merry way, and Trishelle leaves the room trembling. Trishelle's trying to tell the rest of them what just happened, but she's having trouble saying anything other than "That crazy bitch just freaked my shit out." This is all it takes to get the Ice Man wound up, as he begins ranting and railing about how this is all bullshit and nobody's dying, blah blah psycho ex-rappercakes. Cheri stares at Tammy Faye and says, "Your turn," and Tammy Faye resists the devil by saying, "I don't want to do it." The long-awaited battle between good and evil is pretty anti-climactic as Cheri just shrugs. Ice then goes off on Cheri, telling her to take it easy on his housemates, and telling his housemates not to believe a word this woman says. Trishelle's in a corner, curled up into a fetal position and sucking her thumb. Cheri tries to explain herself a bit better by saying that what she does is also considered a healing process, and that she's been healing people for twenty years by telling them that their loved ones are dying. Ice starts grilling her: "Have you ever healed a cannibalist?" I think what he meant was a "cannibal," but was thinking of "cannabis" and ended up with "cannibalist." Nobody laughs at his mishandling of the English language, but Ron looks baffled that the guy's made it this far in life with so few brain cells. Cheri just rolls her eyes at him. This sends Ice off on yet another tirade, which is capped off by his telling everyone not to be followers. Cheri then announces there's going to be a séance, and Ice immediately follows her into the séance room. Obviously, he graduated with honors from the Trishelle School Of Practicing What You Preach.

In case nobody's been paying attention, once again Tammy Faye says she will not be taking part in anything this woman has to offer including this séance mumbo jumbo. Erik is trying to convince Tammy Faye to be part of the team and try it, and she refuses, saying that the Bible is against séances. Ron asks her if it's possible to follow every rule set forth by the Bible, and Tammy Faye says she tries, but she goofs up all the time. And then the tears begin to flow like Jägermeister at Trishelle's wedding. Tammy blubbers that she has peace and joy in her heart, adding that God's got hold of her heart -- He won't let go, and He's kept her from killing herself when times were rough (September 18, 1991-- the night she ran out of Max Factor), and rather than go to a séance, she's going to get on her knees and praise the Lord, and it quickly becomes apparent that what we're witnessing is a PTL-style breakdown. I sit in my recliner, eyes fixed on the television screen, battling an odd compulsion to scribble out a check for $100 and mail it off to The WB. I snap out of my trance and realize I've been hypnotized by the best. Darn you Tammy Faye! Darn you straight to Heck!

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Surreal Life

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