The next morning, Traci asks Trishelle what time she finally came to bed; Ron answers "3 AM" for her, since Trishelle lost all concept of time the night before. Erik comes into the bedroom and tells the girls they have a drinking problem. Trishelle ignores Erik and asks whom she was playing with; Ron points out that she can't remember and Traci snarkily calls him "Mr. Flawless." Heee! Trishelle suddenly remembers that she "spilled the beans" about Ice last night. Traci says it's okay that Trishelle has a crush on Ice because he's attractive and intelligent, and women are attracted to that. I think it was right around this time that I laughed so hard beer came out my nose. And I quit drinking years ago. That's not a pleasant feeling, kids. Ron dissects Trishelle's crush by saying that Ice is very dashing and handsome...but married. Do these people see something that I don't? Gary Coleman's more dashing than Vanilla Ice, fer chrissakes. Trishelle says that if she had to drive right now, she'd get a DUI. Thank God she brought a satchel full of Alka Seltzer with her and doesn't have to go barrelling down the road to the nearest Walgreen's. Tammy Faye tells Erik that she thinks getting plastered takes away from the experience, but that's what wine makes you do. Erik adds that it also makes you obnoxious. Tammy Faye says she hates to see nice people get obnoxious. She obviously never saw a videotape of The PTL Club.
The Surreal Times lands on the doorstep, and the headline reads that they're all going to have to do a back-yard play for fifty visiting children. Ice reads that Ron will serve as director, because he has a Bachelor of Arts degree in the Theater Arts and a Masters in Elementary Education. Ron corrects the story by mumbling "Special Ed." At first I thought he said "Sexual Ed," and I thought to myself, "So that explains the birth explosion amongst teenage girls in New York in the early '80s." Kudos to Closed Captioning for setting me straight. Ron has a permanent teaching license in the state of New York, and would still be a teacher today had his ex-girlfriend not sent his picture to Playgirl. Once the editors got a glimpse of Ron's massive honker, it was all, "Welcome To Sin City, Teach!" We see the photo that Ron's talking about, and even though it's pixellated, it looks like he's giving birth to a telephone pole. We find out that the name of the play is Mutha Gooz. Ron says he has experience directing music videos, B-movies, and "some of the better porn features," but that he hates directing. He confesses that since he has a degree in teaching disturbed kids, that lends some validity to the situation. Ouch! That's a slam on every disturbed kid watching the show.