Previously on The Surreal Life, the cast went to a nudist colony; only Trishelle and Ron got completely nude, which defeated the purpose of sending the cast to the nudist colony entirely, since anyone with an internet connection can see either of them nude. Ice faced and conquered his demons as he growled "Ice Ice Baby" in a karaoke bar, to a lukewarm reception. Traci reminded us once again how attractive she thought Ron Jeremy was, and was seen slipping into the nudist colony's hot tub sans bikini bottom and sitting on Ron's naked lap, an act which has been known to cause severe genital warts.
The final show opens with the cast returning home from the nudist colony. Everyone's glad to be there, because the pressure of getting naked in front of a camera is now gone. Ron asks Traci if she'd like to see his impression of Rockefeller Center, as he takes a mouthful of water and spits, while posing like the statue in front of Rockefeller Center. It's been years since I've visited NYC, and the last time I went I was pretty messed up on some Thai stick a Jamaican guy sold me at the corner of 53rd and 3rd, so I'm going to have to take Ron's word for its being a fair representation of the statue. Ron and Traci are seen playing with Ron's turtle, Cherry. Maybe I misunderstood their conversation, but it seems like Traci had no idea a turtle had been living in the house with them the entire time. Then again, Traci probably hasn't figured out that the guys running around the house with video cameras are filming them either. As Traci plays with the turtle, it decides to poop on her. She quickly throws it to the floor in disgust as Ron confirms that turtle poop is some of the easiest poop in the world to clean up. With a remark like that, I'm guessing Ron wasn't very selective in some of the roles he took in his earlier films, if you get my drift. Traci wonders how something as small as a turtle's ass could produce something so big, which opens the door for yet another wisecrack from Ron about how people have been wondering that about him for years. The guy never misses an opportunity to talk about his penis. I like that in a man.
Traci goes downstairs to call her fiancé, John. After a little small talk, she casually mentions that she got in the hot tub at the nudist colony. He asks whether she got naked, and she scoffs that she only took her skirt off -- no big whoop. There's silence at John's end as Traci tries to tell him it was completely harmless, and that he shouldn't worry that she showed her dainty flower to a hot tub full of strangers. John wonders aloud how in the world he's going to explain to his parents that his fiancée got naked in a hot tub with a porn star. I have a suggestion, Johnny. Call them up and ask, "Mom? Dad? Exactly how many times did you drop me on my head when I was a kid? Because while I may have the brains for this financial shit, I've got the common sense of a dead cat when it comes to finding a good woman to marry." He says that his parents are going to be watching this show when it airs. I'm wondering if they'll be reading my recaps too? If so...hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpleton! You both did a great job raising your son not to be overly impressed with shiny objects!