Surreal Life

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: B | 515 USERS: C+
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Dirty Laundry

The cast members get home and find that the living room has been transformed into a television studio, complete with a stage and a studio audience. A big sign hanging over the stage reads "Dirty Laundry" which, coincidentally, was Ron's luxury item. As it turns out, Sally Jessy Raphael has grown weary of blowing homeless guys in bus-station bathrooms for a buck a pop and is desperately trying to get her gruesome mug back on the airwaves once again. The people at The WB were just as desperate for a guest star who could make Rick James look coherent, and hired her for the show's season finale. Sally Jessy takes the stage, and for a fleeting moment she shows poise and grace. Then she opens her mouth and begins to speak, and the poise and grace sail out the window like lime-green loogies. The woman has obviously had so much plastic surgery that she'd make Michael Jackson cringe. Tammy Faye's introduced first, and admits that she forgot what kind of show Sally Jessy does. That's okay, Tam-Tam. So has the rest of America. Sally Jessy introduces the rest of the housemates individually, and you can hear the contempt she has for both Ron and Trishelle. Ron's very skeptical about this, especially after Sally Jessy says that Ron's in the adult film business but that she doesn't know what's so "adult" about it. Trishelle wishes she'd had the time to process everything, because if she had, she wouldn't have done the talk show. Then again, the producers didn't have the three months it would have taken her brain to process the information. The talk-show format has also caught Ice off-guard.

Sally Jessy asks Tammy Faye what it's like for her to sit next to a world-renowned porn star, since he represents everything Tammy Faye is against. Sally Jessy wants Tammy Faye to watch some footage, as we're shown scenes from Ron's pool party, in which he fondles the breasts of nearly every woman in attendance. Tammy Faye is a bit shocked as she watches this, and is visibly uncomfortable. Sally Jessy points out that Ron represents immorality and indecency. Tammy Faye says that Ron is her friend, that he has a right to do what he does, and that she would tell the Moral Majority to "suck it up." Basically, she shoots down Sally Jessy's line of reasoning and refuses to become a Ron-hater. Meanwhile, Ron's sitting there with his mouth agape like a gorilla with a head cold. Ice says that Tammy Faye opens her arms to everyone, and that's why she's so f'n cool. Ron tells Sally Jessy that if anyone ever tried to snatch Tammy Faye's Bible from her bosom, he'd kill him or her. It's a nice sentiment and all, but from what I've heard, the Bible's pretty much against the whole killing thing. Traci's proud of Tammy Faye and Ron, because they both stood up for what they believed in -- God and dry-humping crack whores, respectively. Moving on, Sally Jessy wants to know if there's "another" Traci when the sun goes down? We then see footage of Traci getting loud, drunk, horny, and stupid throughout her stay in the mansion. Sally Jessy asks what all that was about, and Traci says that she tends to get a little crazy at night. Erik pipes up to say that after a couple of glasses, she likes to fight and get rowdy; the audience members shake their heads in disgust at this. Erik says that there's another side to Traci, and that she's a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type of person. Traci says that she is who she is, and that if people don't like it, they shouldn't wear red-rimmed glasses and try to recapture a talk-show audience who are now clearly into Dr. Phil. Sally Jessy says that Traci's fiancé should get "all of [her]," which makes no sense to me. But then again, I'm not down with the washed-up talk show-host lingo.

Surreal Life

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