Surreal Life
A Talk Show, Supper And A Goodbye

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Uncle Bob: B- | Grade It Now!
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Sally Jessy asks Tammy Faye what it's like for her to sit next to a world-renowned porn star, since he represents everything Tammy Faye is against. Sally Jessy wants Tammy Faye to watch some footage, as we're shown scenes from Ron's pool party, in which he fondles the breasts of nearly every woman in attendance. Tammy Faye is a bit shocked as she watches this, and is visibly uncomfortable. Sally Jessy points out that Ron represents immorality and indecency. Tammy Faye says that Ron is her friend, that he has a right to do what he does, and that she would tell the Moral Majority to "suck it up." Basically, she shoots down Sally Jessy's line of reasoning and refuses to become a Ron-hater. Meanwhile, Ron's sitting there with his mouth agape like a gorilla with a head cold. Ice says that Tammy Faye opens her arms to everyone, and that's why she's so f'n cool. Ron tells Sally Jessy that if anyone ever tried to snatch Tammy Faye's Bible from her bosom, he'd kill him or her. It's a nice sentiment and all, but from what I've heard, the Bible's pretty much against the whole killing thing. Traci's proud of Tammy Faye and Ron, because they both stood up for what they believed in -- God and dry-humping crack whores, respectively. Moving on, Sally Jessy wants to know if there's "another" Traci when the sun goes down? We then see footage of Traci getting loud, drunk, horny, and stupid throughout her stay in the mansion. Sally Jessy asks what all that was about, and Traci says that she tends to get a little crazy at night. Erik pipes up to say that after a couple of glasses, she likes to fight and get rowdy; the audience members shake their heads in disgust at this. Erik says that there's another side to Traci, and that she's a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type of person. Traci says that she is who she is, and that if people don't like it, they shouldn't wear red-rimmed glasses and try to recapture a talk-show audience who are now clearly into Dr. Phil. Sally Jessy says that Traci's fiancé should get "all of [her]," which makes no sense to me. But then again, I'm not down with the washed-up talk show-host lingo.

It's time to pick Ice apart. Sally Jessy asks Ice if he's angry; he says that he feels he has to leave an impression on people, but that he's basically a likeable, easygoing guy. Sally Jessy turns everyone's attention to footage of Ice in which he went ballistic throughout his time in the house. Ice flies into a mock rage, throwing a rug off the floor, jerking an audience member's chair around, and screaming. Meanwhile, Sally Jessy is shaking her head in disgust at his actions and just "tsk tsk"ing her ass off at him. Erik laughs in a confessional and says that's why he calls Ice "Johnny Rocket" -- because he goes off like a rocket. I'm so glad he cleared that up for the television viewing audience. It would have bugged me to my death bed, not knowing what that nickanme meant. Sally Jessy tells him that he seems very angry. He admits that he's got buttons that, when pushed, he can become very angry. But he came on this show to show the real him, because there's a common misconception about him. Which, I dunno, I'm guessing is that he's a one-hit wonder rapper with a bad temper. I'm glad he proved me wrong. I guess. Tammy Faye says that Ice has a hole in his heart, which I didn't know about. You can die from those things, from what I understand. Internal bleeding or some shit. Anyway, she says that she feels one day Ice will be able to forget the past, and accept that picture of himself as part of him. Either that or he'll rob a Chinese restaurant and serve time at Riker's Island. Let's face it; her psychic powers ain't what they used to be.

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Surreal Life

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