Surreal Life
A Talk Show, Supper And A Goodbye

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Uncle Bob: B- | Grade It Now!
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Dirty Laundry

Sally Jessy wants to know if Trishelle drinks more than everyone else in the house does. Trishelle lets out a horse laugh and says "probably." We're then treated to a clip of some of Trishelle's most embarrassing moments, when she made out with Andy Dick, wanted to make out with Vanilla Ice, and fed wine to the parrot. The audience is shifting back and forth between groaning and gasping at her drunkeness. The clips end with a statement from Trishelle saying that if anyone tells her she drinks too much, she's going to go off on them. The clips end, Sally Jessy gets out of her chair, struts over to Trishelle, gets in her face, and says "You. Drink. Too. Much." All hope of Trishelle's knocking the skanky Sally on her ass is lost when Trishelle just laughs it off and says, "To you, I drink too much." Traci says that when Trishelle saw her clips, she freaked out. Trishelle rationalizes her behavior by saying she's only twenty-three, and she likes to party and thinks kissing boys is fun. She takes it a step further and says that all of her friends drink more than she does. Sally Jessy tells her it's time to find some new friends. Yeah. I can just tell this intervention is really helping Trishelle to start a new life. Erik says that if Trishelle keeps drinking the way she has been, in ten years she's going to be dried out. Sally Jessy says that Trishelle behaves like a slut. Finally, Tammy Faye has had enough, and through a slew of tears says that Trishelle lost her real mom at fourteen; Trishelle misses her mommy and is trying to find something to compensate for that loss. And also, she is one heckuva girl. In fact, she wins Tammy Faye's "Heckuva Girl Seal Of Approval Stamp" for 2004. Tammy Faye gets up and hugs Trishelle. Tammy Faye says that even though it was hard for Trishelle to watch the footage of her acting like a dog in heat, she needed to see it. Sally Jessy tries to get the audience to agree with her that drunk women are not attractive. I tend to disagree. Drunk women are not only hot, but they're easier to have sex with than sober women. Sally Jessy says that if a woman appears to be out of control, she runs the risk of being labelled a slut. Trishelle asks, "What about Ron?" Ron says, "Everyone already knows I'm a slut." Trishelle leaves the stage, and production is halted. She storms off and slams the bathroom door behind her. Sally Jessy smells a ratings bonanza. Either that, or it's time for a new Depends.

Trishelle wants the cameras turned off, because she is ready to leave the house now and doesn't want to give the producers the satisfaction of having any more of her on camera. I don't think the producers would mind; they have her completely naked on camera, so there's little else they need for ratings. Ron's trying to talk Trishelle out of leaving as she throws stuff in suitcases, reminding her that this is the last episode. If she won't stay for him, will she at least stay for the turtle? Trishelle will not stay for the turtle. Ron shoves the turtle in her face and tells her to say that to the turtle's face. He's lucky she didn't bite the head off the turtle. Trishelle says that once her mind is made up, that's it. It's just that it takes her several days to muster up the brain cells to do it.

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Surreal Life

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