Surreal Life
A Talk Show, Supper And A Goodbye

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Dirty Laundry

Traci and Ron are alone in the kitchen; Ron says that since she's wanted to see it all along, he's now going to show her his cock. She says she wants to see it, but then realizes that those darned cameras are still around and changes her mind, turning her back on him. Ron asks for a drumroll, and she provides him with one and stares intently at his crotch. He reaches into his pants and pulls out his "cock" -- a rubber rooster. He says it's his "little pecker" as he pecks at his hand with it, adding that it's been in his pants so it's a little "fowl." I'll give him this -- the man has a way with penis puns. Meanwhile, Erik's looking at his watch. He is so ready to get out of there. I bet he's in a hurry to get home and check his messages to see if he got that gig hosting a cable access show in Puerto Rico.

Erik's the first to leave, and says it's been very real and yet very unreal. A lot of other people would have snapped under the pressure of being filmed constantly for twelve days, but it made them stronger. Before he leaves, though, he wants Ron to show everyone his "cock." Tammy laughs the loudest at that joke.

Traci's the next to leave. She's happy and will be taking a little bit of everybody with her. But she really wants to go home and salvage whatever's left of her engagement.

Ice raps a verse of "Ice Ice Baby" for Ron. Ice hopes that people will watch this, learn that he has a story to tell, and maybe respect him a bit more than they did before all this sta-- nahhh. Sorry, Ice. Just because you sang your song in a karaoke bar doesn't redeem your rampant assholiness.

Tammy Faye says that as each person leaves, they leave a big void in her heart. Trishelle says she feels she was misunderstood doing this show and that she's never doing reality television again, effectively ending her fifteen minutes of fame immediately.

Tammy Faye was angry at first that her husband made her do this, and wouldn't talk to him for the first two days she was in the house. Her husband shows up to whisk her away, and she's thrilled to see him. She says it's been one of the greatest experiences she's ever had. Ron introduces himself to Tammy Faye's husband as the bellhop hired to put everyone's bags in the cars.

Ron's the last to leave. He says that the entire experience has been a lot like a summer romance: you leave each other promising that you love each other and that you'll write every day. Then you go home and you write every day. Then every week. Then after a year you've completely lost touch with everyone. It's sad, because he's right. He claps his hand to shut off the lights in the house. Once inside the limo, he mentions that twelve days is the longest he's ever gone without sex. And with that, he whips it out in the backseat and starts slapping the monkey around for old times' sake.

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Surreal Life

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