Surreal Life
Book Signing & A Pool Party

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It's 3:18 AM, and the guys are in the kitchen still eating. On the wall, Andy Dick has written "Ronny, thanks for the blow job." Erik is trying to teach the guys how to speak Spanish properly. Rick James finally shows up, about six hours too late. He's got a purse with him, so I'm guessing he's there to deliver the weed. Ron says that the other day, when he mentioned to Ice that he knew Rick James, Ice began trembling and saying he'd die to meet Rick James. Rick's really put on the pounds lately. Apparently when he sang "Give It To Me, Baby," he was talking about cheeseburgers. Ron sneaks him into the house and goes back to the kitchen to get Ice to come see something. Ice rounds the corner and sees Rick James standing there like Redd Foxx with cornrows. Erik remembers Rick from Studio 54 in 1981, and how he'd spend the weekends there "getting crazy." We're then treated to crude animation of Rick and Erik dancing together in 1981.

They all sit down on the sofas and reminisce about the good old days, when they all weighed less and could get laid by whores who weren't dumpy. Ron's trying to remember how he and Rick met, and Rick says that he used to have thirty women over at his house all the time and Ron would stop by to hook up with 'em. Rick points out that Erik was the "playa of playas" back then as well. Rick's laughing at the old photos of the guys on the wall, and asks Ron where they got his picture from. Ron says they used his Bar Mitzvah photo. Rick says that Ice is the only one who still looks like his photo, which visibly upsets Ice because (in case you haven't been paying attention the last four weeks) he's trying to leave that image behind. But since Rick is his hero and is still recovering from a massive stroke, Ice doesn't start kicking the shit out of him all over the place. Rick tells Ice that he's cool, and that Ice told the record business to just "take this hit and shove it up your ass!" Yeah, Rick. That's what happened. Ice just walked away from the music business. You keep telling yourself that, you ignorant crackhead. They toast and all hug Rick goodbye. Ice tells the guys that Rick James is a musical legend in his eyes. Hell, anyone who managed to squeeze out more than one hit is a legend in Ice's eyes. Ron tells Ice that when he called Rick and told him he lived with Vanilla Ice, Rick started singing "Ice Ice Baby" over the phone. This seems to impress Ice, who says that this entire experiment will turn out to be a nice collection of memories. The show ends with a close-up of Trishelle snoring as we realize one of her most vivid memories will be of a sweaty Andy Dick slobbering all over her face. It's warm. It's tender. It's the kinda stuff Barbra Streisand would sing about, between excessive bouts of vomiting.

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Surreal Life

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