We're taken back to the phone booth, where Susie is still riding Corey's ass. She says she's been waiting for hours for him to call her. At that point, he should have told her he's been taking a dump since 6 PM. If she's the least bit familiar with his bathroom habits, that would have been a perfectly acceptable excuse. Corey tells Susie that she is "so dramatic," which causes me to cover my nearby dog with a combination spray of Diet DrPepper and pure grain alcohol. Susie tells Corey to go play his fucking videogames, and that she's not going to grieve over this shit anymore, and they hang up. I know that the show was shot and they were married last October, but does anybody know the exact date when Corey and Susie's divorce took place?

Next week on The Surreal Life...okay, look. There's no way I can do this thirty-second promo justice. It had to be seen to be appreciated. But here goes: apparently they're all playing in a charity softball game against some Playboy Playmates. The guy who does the voice-overs says, "Softball. Everybody loves softball." You see everyone playing softball. He then says, "Playmates. Everybody loves Playmates." You see a bevy of beauties in Playboy baseball outfits. Then we see footage of the crowd booing while Corey misses a swing, fails to catch a ball, and stands in the middle of the outfield, staring off into space. "Corey Feldman." And then you hear crickets chirping. It was the funniest damned thing I've seen on the show yet. They are merciless when it comes to poking fun at the Feldman. They're soulless bastards after my own heart.