Back at the Surreal Mansion, Brande's getting ready for her blind date. She's decided to wear jeans and a light blue tank top. She looks good. She looks damned good. I don't care if the woman's mentally handicapped; she can drool all over me any time, because I'll be droolin' all over her. She has six men waiting downstairs for her. I'm a flaming heterosexual, so I may not be the best at guessing things like this, but I'd venture to say about half of the men they've assembled are worthy of dating her on looks alone. The cast members each have thirty seconds to sell Brande on their men. Gabby's tracked down a private chef. Vince has found a movie producer. Guess what type of movies he produces. C'mon -- it's Vince, people. It's not like all of a sudden he has connections to legitimate movie producers. Hammer's got a guy who's soft-spoken and humble and looks like Michael Clarke Duncan on steroids. Corey stuck with the investment banker he found on the street. Jerri's got a guy with dimples and a hellacious smile. Manny has to read his guy's résumé off a card and says that his man is like ecstasy, but he's her kind of drug. That made about as much sense as Hammer telling Corey he's trying to save him from his bowel movements. Something tells me there's a slow gas leak in Hammer and Manny's bedroom that nobody's quite discovered yet. Manny's guy looks like Sinbad's brother if Sinbad's brother were a clumsy janitor with a low IQ. After about four seconds of deliberation, Brande picks Gabby's guy -- the personal chef -- because the way to her breasts is through her stomach. Or something. She admits in a voice-over that she was torn between the chef and Super Michael Clarke Duncan because she thinks Hammer knows what she's looking for and is probably the best judge of character amongst the six friends. Plus Hammer's guy looked like he was swinging the biggest Johnson. Vince is pissed, and rightly so, because he had no idea he was supposed to find her the man of her dreams; he was just trying to find a guy who would be courteous enough not to spoot in her face. He figured his porn-producing pal and a Playboy Playmate would hit it off perfectly since they'd have at least two things in common -- those two things being her brick-hard ta-tas.
Episode Report CardUncle Bob: A- | 481 USERS: C+
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