Hammer's the next in line to show up. He's changing the message on his cell phone voicemail via his cell phone to let "everyone" know that he's going to be out of pocket for the next ten days. I had to laugh because...c'mon, does anybody ever really call Hammer anymore other than collection agencies? Hammer hums a bit of "U Can't Touch This" and chuckles, slipping a sly reminder in there that he once had a hit song twelve years ago and sold eighteen million albums. We remember, Hambone. We remember your multi-million-dollar home with the fountains. We also remember your desperate transformation into a gangsta rapper at the end of your musical career in hopes of saving that mansion. We remember how the world snickered at you as you tried to prove your street cred by dropping the "MC" so you sounded tougher as just "Hammer." We just didn't. Freakin'. Care. Since his plunge from grace, Hammer's become a minister. Which makes sense, considering all the praying he used to do for God to quit sending repo men to his mansion. Hammer informs us that being a minister has given him perspective as to who he is. A couple of hits of some primo acid will do the same thing, but apparently Hammer couldn't afford the blotter so he went the minister route. Hammer meets everyone. Webster's giggling like a little schoolgirl even though he didn't say anything remotely funny. I wouldn't object to seeing the others attach electrodes to Webster's scrotum by Episode Two if he keeps this cackling shit up. The li'l bitch be gettin' on MC Uncle Bob's nerves.
Vince wastes no time in grabbing the first of many brews for the next ten days. Keep in mind, Hammer's a minister, Corey's a reformed alcoholic, and Webster can't reach the top shelf of the fridge, so the beer is all Vince's. He's already tickled shitless that he took the gig. Free beer! Woohoo! The six of them start wondering who the last person to arrive will be. Hammer says he thinks it's that... He trails off, trying to think of another word for "bitch," but being the prolific ex-rapper that he is, settles on "girl" -- the one who wasn't nice on Survivor. This kind of freaks out some of the cast members, as they admit that they're scared of Jerri. And with good reason. If Jerri's in the house, that means you can't go off in private to masturbate without Jerri telling everyone that you're eating beef jerky in private. The euphemisms that these wacky kids have today. "Eating beef jerky." In my day, we called it "pullin' the pud."