Surreal Life
New Friends

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New Friends

The cast gets home, and it's time for dinner after the ten-minute task of delivering brownies to the neighbors. After all, delivering brownies was more work than most of them have had in a decade. It's the much-heralded "Sushi Night" on The Surreal Life. There's a naked Hawaiian woman laying prone on a table outside, and she's covered in sushi. Everyone is encouraged to pick the sushi off of her body and eat it. Vince positions himself between the woman's legs, because apparently that's where he's most comfortable. Hammer announces that he definitely doesn't eat sushi and he definitely doesn't eat sushi off a nekkid woman. He walks away from it all while the cameraman smells a hint of drama in the air and scurries off after him.

Commercial time. Apparently there's still at least one brain-dead producer left in Hollywood, because Martin Lawrence has yet another unfunny film coming out in a few weeks.

Back at the sushi table, Vince thinks the whole concept of eating raw fish out of a naked woman's crotch is cool. Then again, you get the idea that this isn't the first time he's ever done it, although it's probably the first time since 1985 when Vince still had abs. Brande wonders if this whole scene is too "unreligious" for Hammer, or if it may not be "Christianful" enough for him, or maybe he's being a big "mankimony." Apparently, Brande tends to make up her own language when she's at a loss for words, confirming my suspicion that she has the mentality of a three-year-old. Inside, Hammer has been joined by his shadow Webster, and Corey, of all people. Hammer's saying he refuses to support the exploitation of this poor woman covered in fish. Webster's agreeing because, deep down, more than anything in the world, he wants Hammer to carry him to the premiere of Martin Lawrence's new film like Jacko used to do. I guess Corey's just there because he thought they were scampering off to get some blow to do off the woman's thigh. No, wait -- Corey says that he's joining Hammer and Webster in the sushi boycott because he's not allowed to be around naked women without his girlfriend Susie around. I'm amazed that he doesn't call her right away to report this whole thing, and Susie makes him describe what the woman's body looks like because we all know now that Susie's bisexual. Gabby and Vince are outside truly enjoying this feast, which is kinda disturbing because I can't imagine Gabby as a bisexual soccer mom. Hammer and his posse of pussies come back outside to announce Hammer's decision as to why he won't eat the sushi. Jerri and Gabby stop him and tell him that if he's about to get all sanctimonious on their asses, he should go preach it to the choir brotha, 'cos Homie don't play that, or some similar jive speak. Hammer just explains that he definitely don't eat sushi, and he definitely don't eat it off some nekkid woman. They're all cool with that. Corey pipes up that he's not allowed to get near naked women without his girlfriend present, and they're all hip to that. Webster just reiterates that he's a "private person," which means he's gayer than the orchestra pit at a Liza Minnelli concert. This leaves the three ladies and Vince to chow down on Sushi Girl, who's looking more and more like a Korean runaway who can't speak English and is so drugged up that she thinks she's in a bus station.

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Surreal Life

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