Back inside, it's 8:21, so it's time for Corey and Susie's 8:21 phone call. Corey's all miserable because he's surrounded by Playboy models and naked women covered in sushi and a refrigerator full of beer and he can't touch any of it. He tells Susie that he's going crazy, which is all right because his girlfriend's already crazy for thinking that a relationship with this needy dried-up arrogant half-wit is ever going to go anywhere. So Hammer, Webster, and Corey order pizza instead, and sit around with their holier-than-thou-who- eat-sushi-off-naked-teenage- Korean-runaways attitudes. It's an honest-to-goodness celebrity snitfest! And we at home are privy to it! Oh joyful day! Now that's entertainment!
We segue into a roundtable discussion about sexual addiction. Apparently, Corey suffers from it, but Hammer's the expert on the subject, and is explaining what it consists of. Vince giggles as he fondles the naked Korean runaway on his lap because it's only an addiction if you admit it out loud. Corey explains how, in his younger days, he would have sex with several different women each day. My God: this kid is really insecure ever since finding out that Vince nailed his ex-wife. Since that moment, he's been nothing more than a whiny shitbag full of sexual-conquest stories. If there is a God and if Webster really knows his martial arts, I'd like to see Corey get a karate chop to the nuts before this whole shebang rides off into the sunset. Corey ends his story about bagging clueless Corey groupies one right after the other, and then goes to step out of the imaginary cab because his drug-addled mind must have him believing that he's actually on Taxicab Confessions. While Corey's babbling about all the hot pieces of ass he used to get when he was a semi-celebrity, Jerri and Hammer break away from the crowd to go sit out by the pool and have a deep meaningful conversation about something so incredibly boring that I stopped taking notes and just zoned out listening to their self-righteous bullshit.
It must be 8:43, because Corey's making his 8:43 call to Susie. He thanks her for the flowers, which he technically should have done about thirty-seven calls ago, but the producers have a hard enough time trying to form something somewhat coherent out of all of the footage that they shot of these incredibly boring people and this little gaffe fell by the wayside. Corey has come up with a brilliant plan: he wants to marry Susie. Better yet, he wants to marry her on the show. Can you imagine the ratings such a stunt would gather?! Why, I'll bet they'd even beat UPN in the ratings if they did it! And if Corey shows so much dedication to his craft that he would actually twist his life plans around to accommodate the show, then you just know that his mailbox will be flooded with requests to star in the next big summer blockbuster for 2004! Susie thinks it's too short a notice to do such a thing. You can hear this chick backpedaling over the phone clear as day. She was only on this ride for the hot chicks that may be stupid enough to think that spending an evening with Corey Feldman and his trampy girlfriend would be exciting. Putting a ring on that finger may spell the end to hot chicks; therefore, it's not such a good idea for Susie. Corey tries to talk her into it by saying -- and I quote here -- "Everyone in the world would watch our wedding!" Okay, I lied earlier about the "gulp" sound being the funniest thing in the whole show. That line took the cake. This punk is so delusional, he thinks he's on the hottest show on television and that his wedding will rival that of Prince Charles and Lady Di. He doesn't even realize that his pretentious actions over the last hour have probably already driven away more viewers than will actually show up for the season finale. My God in Heaven, this guy seriously believes he's still a celebrity. I kinda feel bad for busting on the guy because he's just...well, pathetic. Anyway, Susie agrees to do it, hoping that Corey was just all strung out on smack when he asked her and by tomorrow morning will be sober.