Next, we see Shelley Winters on a motorcycle, saying you either love her or hate her, but everyone has an opinion on her. I check my notes, because I didn't know Shelley was going to be on the show, and from what I recall, she's deader than Andy Warhol. Sure enough, she's dead and...holy hell! That's not Shelley Winters, it's Vince Neil from Mötley Crüe! Let me be the first to say it. Vince: one word. Dexatrim. Vince tells us that the Crüe is taking a break for a couple of years until bassist Mick Mars returns from the dead. The idea behind this show is seemed cool to Vince, so he decided he'd go for it. Plus, it beats sitting around the house in a faded Mötley Crüe t-shirt and boxers watching the Food Channel and aimlessly masturbating. Seriously, Vince has been pounding the brews or something while he's been wallowing in obscurity. Vince walks into the mansion and is greeted by Corey, who is wearing a crown. Corey welcomes Vince to his kingdom. Vince goes to paste Corey's bleached-blond mug with a karate kick, but can't lift his leg past his waist. Against his better judgement -- he's probably reeling from the dime bag he smoked before he arrived at the house -- Vince tells Corey that they'll be roommates. They hug and go off to share dirty needles.
Next is Brande Roderick. Brande is most famous for being Playboy's 2001 Playmate of the Year. She also appeared in the final season of Baywatch that a total of 211 Germans hung in there and watched until the bitter end. These facts are important for future reference. Brande's hot. I'll give her that. I'd sip her diarrhea through a short straw to get near that ass. But she's got the brainpower of a wooden spoon. She's decided to bring her cocker spaniel Mercedes along with her to be the "house pet." That's what she says, anyway. I think she's brought it along because it's probably the only other living creature in the house that won't stray from her level of competence. Brande admits that she's boring and that she likes to act like she's married even though she's not. With acting abilities like that, it's no wonder the Baywatch producers jumped on this hot commodity. She arrives at the mansion and hugs Corey and Vince. They tell her that the house only has three bedrooms. Her response? "If it only has three bedrooms, I'd better hurry up and pee!" (Say it with me: "Huh?!?") Due to the fact that she has a nice rack, an ass to die for, and has managed to get through life based solely on these assets, Brande asks Vince and Corey to help her bring in her luggage. The days of boinking groupies have obviously tapered off for the dynamic duo, as they jump on this assignment like Brande's going to flash them afterward for their hard work. Fat chance, guys. (No pun intended there, Vince.)