Surreal Life
New Friends

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: D+ | Grade It Now!
New Friends

As we go to commercial, we see Corey furiously brushing his teeth. I guess it's to get the taste of shit out of his mouth after all the ass-kissing he had to do to get on this show.

Oooooo...they're showing that new "Marijuana can impair your judgment" commercial where the two teens are at a party smoking weed and the girl starts to pass out as the guy begins to cram his hand in her bra and she's moaning "noooo." That commercial always reminds me of the good times I had in college. Ahhhhh, the good ol' days, when we'd latch on to a bong like it was a life preserver in the choppy Atlantic ocean and then tweaked our friends' nipples until they passed out from the blood loss to their brain. Tell ya what, memories don't get much better than that right there, my friend.

Back to the show. Jerri's still knocking on the door outside. Speaking from experience, I would have probably given the doorbell a few punches in between the soft raps on the door, but that's just me. Brande's walking around the house in her jammies, for some unknown reason, and hears the door. The camera angle discreetly shows that Jerri could have easily walked around the door to get inside, since there's an opening there on the side of the door. (I can't explain it any better than, because I failed out of architecture school.) Once again, we get a voice-over from Brande, who is incredibly disappointed that Robin Givens isn't on the show. Shit, woman, I'm a bit sorry that they opted for you over Traci Lords, but you don't hear me whining about it non-stop. Cop a valium from Vince and chill your ass. Jerri comes to the dinner table, and nobody recognizes her. ["I think they're just pretending not to recognize her so that they come across as being too cool to watch Survivor." -- Wing Chun] Apparently, a homeless vagrant could have knocked on the door and introduced herself as Jerri, and they wouldn't have been the wiser. Hammer tells Jerri that he heard she was a bitch, and that he spoke to two or three women who told him to give her a smack for them. Jerri smiles politely as she realizes she's got an uphill battle in this house: she has a reputation for being a cold and heartless bitch, and to make matters worse, she's starving and Vince has set up camp near the tacos wearing a bib and a grin. And for those viewers with short-term memory lapses, Brande informs us one more freakin' time that she's upset that Robin Givens isn't there. Meanwhile, somewhere in America, Robin Givens is scrambling for a pen to sign and date the restraining order.

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Surreal Life




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