Vanilla Ice is hanging out at Roscoe's Chicken 'n' Waffles when the trolley pulls up to load his skank ass aboard. We hear Erik on the trolley saying, "Look! It's Vanilla Ice!" as though he actually recognized the guy. Sorry -- if he was dressed like a third-rate Hammer with half his eyebrows shaved off, I MIGHT have recognized him, but I'd be more apt to think he was an escaped mental patient. Vanilla informs us that he would now like to be called Rob Van Winkle, but he'll answer to Vanilla Ice. More on that later. Oh man, much more on that later. Apparently, the Iceman has major anger-management issues of the kind that would make Mike Tyson look like Gandhi. Ice says he was nineteen when his first album came out, and that it kept going platinum each week until it had finally sold fifteen million copies. To put that in perspective, that's about half the women Ron Jeremy has boinked within the last year. Ice admits that when the money was rolling in, he was spending it as quickly as he could, and that by the time his second album came out, the money train had derailed, rolled down a hill, run over a hobo dog nursing its newborn pups, and burst into flames. He says that, in his humble opinion, fame sucks greasy nuts, and that he was forced to turn to drugs as he faded back into obscurity. He admits that he has nothing to gain from coming on the show, and will walk the fuck off as soon as he feels like it. You know -- as if the rest of them are expecting this gig to jump-start their stalled careers. After all, look at all the offers Feldman has been getting lately. Tammy Faye tells Ice that he looks a lot like her son. Ice seems to be a bit dejected hearing this, because it's obvious he's going for a look that would be considered somewhat different than "Son of an Evangelist."
Trishelle boards the trolley next in front of Crazy Girls. Nobody knows who she is, including myself, and she makes the common mistake of thinking everyone knows who she is. She looks at Ron and says, "Aren't you a porn star?" Gosh. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that immediately followed by uncontrollable laughter, I could retire today. She tells Ron that she works at Crazy Girls, and he gets all excited until she tells him that she was on The Real World's Vegas season, and the tent in his pants disappears. She tells the camera that she's never thought of herself as famous, and that everyone in America probably thinks she's a slut. I think what she meant was "everyone in her hometown," and not "everyone inAmerica." We're informed that Trishelle appeared on Playboy's "The Girls of Reality TV" DVD, which I make a mental note to rent strictly for research purposes. Hey, if the girl's saying she's rumored to be a slut, I have the duty as a responsible investigative reporter to check out the wear and tear on her junk. She says she hates messy, obnoxious people, and that she enjoys fighting, fucking, and drinking a lot. Tammy Faye crams her knuckles in her ear and starts saying "La la la la!" like a baffled retard trying to avoid making a snap decision at Burger King. Tammy Faye informs everyone that there will be no lovemaking on this trip, which makes Trishelle gaze longingly in the Iceman's direction, yo. I'm wondering if Ron will spontaneously combust if he doesn't stock the tuna boat at least once in a two-week period.