Daybreak. Tammy Faye's reading the Bible. Ron's snoring. Traci's waking up off the floor. So's Trishelle, even though she had a bed. But, like a true alcoholic, she sleeps where she falls. And while Traci and Trishelle shared harsh words the night before, both of them are over it in the morning. It's kinda like the bond we Americans share with the Iraqi people. Except with more alcohol involved. Traci has to leave the house to go to her shoot, and those who are awake when she leaves pretend they'll miss her. Erik and Tammy Faye take it upon themselves to go wake everyone else up. Ron finally quits snoring long enough to make his bed by lifting the bedspread in the air and letting it fall where it may. He's impressed with his method, as Trishelle yawns. Ice is downstairs drawing big huge "X"s across his pictures, because there's nothing like a little narcissistic rage to start the morning off right. Tammy Faye asks him if he's happy now, and he pouts that he's not. Dude, I'm sorry you shot all your money up in the crook of your elbow, but it's nobody's fault but your own. At least you had a sniff of the good life, which is more than us poor schlubs will ever have. Tammy Faye (Ms. Bakker if you're nasty) gets up to give him a big Tammy Faye hug, which has been known to send men scrambling into the arms of young secretaries.
The Surreal Times lands on the front doorstep, and the headlines read that all the local grocery stores have been put on high alert because the Surreal Life crew is going grocery shopping! Wheee! The Iceman can finally get some sushi and doesn't have to destroy anything else in the house. The cast all pile into the Surreal Van and go to a farmer's market. As soon as they get there, locals are all over the place taking pictures of the housemates and shooting video like tourists in a titty bar. Ice begins throwing a fit, because while this market has plenty of fresh sausage, he wants Jimmy Dean sausage. He wants to suck down the grease that these prepackaged microwaveable masterpieces produce. The Iceman goes into great detail about the greasy goodness that is Jimmy Dean sausage for what seems like a couple of hours. Fresh veggies are going bad as he rhapsodizes about sausage. Ice is clearly pissed that this isn't a real supermarket. Y'know, I bet having this guy for a dad must be some kinda fun, huh? Ice keeps freaking while Erik says that he's glad they're all adults; the camera pans to Tammy Faye eating an ice cream cone by herself, oblivious to the sausage fiasco. Ron snarks that what he really wants is to watch Tammy Faye eat a sausage. Tammy Faye giggles and admits an affinity for Hebrew National Hot Dogs. Ron's Jewish eyebrows waggle, and at that point, America falls in love with this sick bastard. Ice is bemoaning that the Farmer's Market doesn't even have "Frosty Flakes [sic]"; it only has flakes with "no frosty." I'm doing the math in my head, and I figure it's been about thirteen years since Vanilla Ice fell from grace. You'd think he would have learned how to behave like an adult by now. Erik's scanning the canned fish aisles and moaning to Ron that the market doesn't carry his brand of tuna, to which Ron replies "Lemme guess -- Jimmy Dean tuna?" Is it any wonder this guy gets laid so much? He's adorable, dammit! I'll admit, I'm quickly developing a man-crush on the guy. Paying for the groceries, Ron asks if they get a Surreal Life discount. The cashier just stares at him blankly. Ah, well -- two out of three witty jabs in one segment ain't bad. As the cast pulls out of the parking lot in the van, Ice decides to moon the cameraman. Tammy Faye informs him that she's going to help him get rid of all the anger he has bottled up inside. Which would be fine, if it were bottled up inside, but this guy refuses to keep it bottled up; he's a freakin' firecracker 24/7. He tells Tammy Faye that he's already spent thousands on therapy and, quite frankly, he's beyond her help. Tammy just gets a pained, constipated look on her face. But not her usual pained, constipated look.