Surreal Life
New Roommates

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Uncle Bob: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Hail Hail The Gang's All Hung

Trishelle boards the trolley next in front of Crazy Girls. Nobody knows who she is, including myself, and she makes the common mistake of thinking everyone knows who she is. She looks at Ron and says, "Aren't you a porn star?" Gosh. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that immediately followed by uncontrollable laughter, I could retire today. She tells Ron that she works at Crazy Girls, and he gets all excited until she tells him that she was on The Real World's Vegas season, and the tent in his pants disappears. She tells the camera that she's never thought of herself as famous, and that everyone in America probably thinks she's a slut. I think what she meant was "everyone in her hometown," and not "everyone inAmerica." We're informed that Trishelle appeared on Playboy's "The Girls of Reality TV" DVD, which I make a mental note to rent strictly for research purposes. Hey, if the girl's saying she's rumored to be a slut, I have the duty as a responsible investigative reporter to check out the wear and tear on her junk. She says she hates messy, obnoxious people, and that she enjoys fighting, fucking, and drinking a lot. Tammy Faye crams her knuckles in her ear and starts saying "La la la la!" like a baffled retard trying to avoid making a snap decision at Burger King. Tammy Faye informs everyone that there will be no lovemaking on this trip, which makes Trishelle gaze longingly in the Iceman's direction, yo. I'm wondering if Ron will spontaneously combust if he doesn't stock the tuna boat at least once in a two-week period.

Next, we arrive at a Hollywood soundstage, where we see that Traci Bingham is the next has-been itching to get on the trolley o' fame. A pop-up grabs us by the collar and shakes us, blurting that Traci was the first African-American to be exploited for ratings on Baywatch. Like Trishelle, Traci was also in Playboy and hates messy people. Gosh: to paraphrase Forrest Gump, they should get along like motherfucking peas and carrots. Unfortunately, Traci can't go to the mansion with the rest of her housemates because she's doing a "shoot." She never says what shoot she's doing, but I'm guessing it has something to do with hauling out the boobles and jiggling them in a camera lens. Tammy Faye admits that she has no idea who Traci is, but thinks she's beautiful. Personally, I wouldn't put much credence in Tammy Faye's idea of "beautiful" after seeing what she looks at in the mirror every morning. Trishelle dismisses Traci as being very plastic and artificial, adding that she feels Traci will be grating on every single one of her last nerves. Unless there's plenty of alcohol in the house to cope with such matters. And then she'll be too busy vomiting to care about Traci.

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Surreal Life

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