Surreal Life
Nude Resort

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: C+ | Grade It Now!
Naked Ambition

Traci thinks they should all get naked and get with the program. Ron's cool with that, because he's packing a third leg in his tighty whities. Ice says that he's all for getting naked, but only with his wife around, and not with a bunch of people staring at him. Traci agrees, because she's incapable of debating. An older naked woman tells the housemates that the only rule to the place is that they don't sit bare-bottom anywhere, and always carry a towel with them for that sole purpose. After seeing most of the people at the resort, believe me, you wouldn't have to explain the towel rule to me twice. I certainly wouldn't want whatever critters have set up residence in Vince Neil's genitalia to hitch a ride on the Bobber's baubles.

As Traci and Ron get ready in the bathroom, Traci tells Ron she needs to do some waxing, and that he needs to scoot. Ron offers to help her, since he has experience waxing his car, and waxing pubes must be along the same lines. Amazingly, Traci doesn't take him up on the offer. It's almost like you expect her to fall for such a line.

The housemates all go outside, where they find out that they have to play volleyball against the nudists. If they win, they get a lobster dinner in a nice restaurant. If they lose, they have to get naked and eat dinner at the resort's cafeteria. There's a point system to help them win. They get one point for everyone who gets completely naked, and a half point for those that go topless, which finds Vince, Ron, and Erik taking their shirts off, automatically giving them a 1.5-point lead. Vince smacks his girlfriend upside the head, cueing her to take her top off, which gives them a 2-point lead. Ron doesn't want to get completely naked. He keeps telling Traci to take her top off, and that he'll then remove his shorts. Traci prances around like she's going to take her top off, but she doesn't. Ice points out that even though Ron's a porn star, he doesn't go around waggling his woody at everyone, which is a comforting thought. Erik says that we know him, and should know that he won't be showing any dick, because he's Erik Estrada and he's got no dick. He notes that there's some particularly tall guys on the opposite team, while Erik has a homer, two girls, and Johnny Rocket. Trishelle says she has no choice but to stare at the parade of peepees all around her, which causes her to lose concentration in the game. I'll buy that. I'm straight, and I'm having trouble taking my eyes off their pixellated bits. While the team starts the game off doing well, they start sucking soon, because they're playing volleyball with nudists, and everyone knows how those nudists love their volleyball. The ref says that if the gals get topless, they'll get one whole point rather than the half point that was previously offered. The guys start begging Traci and Trishelle to remove their tops, using the same lines I used on prom night, but excluding the line "I had no idea she was fourteen, Officer."

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Surreal Life




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