Surreal Life
Nude Resort

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Uncle Bob: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Naked Ambition

At the dinner table, Trishelle takes off her towel. As she explains, she's twenty-three, and she always does stupid things, so this is no big deal for her. In fact, she's happy that she's nude. Ice says he'll get naked if Erik gets naked, and Erik just laughs. So it doesn't look like they'll be dropping trou. Traci says she might do it, and that she already feels nude even though she's fully clothed. That poor bastard she's marrying has no clue as to what he's gotten himself into. Ron said he'd be the second one to get naked, so he goes off to the bathroom to disrobe. Trishelle asks everyone not to tell Tammy Faye she got naked, and Ice swears he won't. You have to wonder if Trishelle even knows there are cameramen around. Erik says that Ron lived up to his reputation, and had a tree between his legs. Trishelle says that she'd rather be naked by herself than be naked next to Ron Jeremy. Erik says that Ron has the "Cadillac of Cocks," while he has the "Pinto of Penises." Trishelle is a bit disappointed, because while Ron's schlong is a little above average, she expected him to be hung like a horse. She must date a lot of NBA players. Traci lied about getting naked, and now says she won't be getting nude for anyone. Erik points out that, once again, she backed out of a deal. Everyone is trying to make her feel guilty for not getting naked, but it doesn't work.

After dinner, the cast is off to a nearby karaoke bar. In the van, Trishelle makes everyone promise again not to tell Tammy Faye about her nakedness. Ice says he won't say a word, as long as Trishelle quits hitting on him. She agrees to stop slobbering all over him every time she gets drunk. They pick Tammy Faye up at her hotel, and she peeks into the van to make sure everyone's clothed. They go to a karaoke bar. Ice is obviously tense about this; he thinks the producers are setting him up and he's not going to do any karaoke because he refuses to live in the past. "Which is news to me!" I snicker at my television while I roll my eyes. Tammy Faye loves her fans and, as you might expect, her fans love the karaoke clubs, so they're out in droves tonight. Ron signs a gal's boob. Erik starts dancing with a chunky spaz. Traci spills her wine on Tammy Faye, who looks none too pleased at the airhead's clumsiness. Ron dances with Trishelle, who appears to be about a foot taller than he is. Ron poses for a photo with his hand in some guy's wife's shirt. It must be nice to be the King of Porn. Erik sings "Celebration." Traci joins in, and the camera lens cracks. She must only be good at one thing, and it sure ain't singing. Ron notes that when you're doing karaoke, you're not expected to be good. But Traci takes the act to a whole new painful level. Erik apparently sang "Celebration" on an episode of CHiPS, and it's the only song he ever sings in public, like it's his trademark or something. Traci and Trishelle put their brains together and decide to duet on "Ice Ice Baby" as a tribute to Ice. This upsets the Ice Man, who says he's not going to be portrayed as a jerkoff in front of thirty million people -- a statement which sends Diet Dr Pepper spewing out of my nose. He says he knew it was going to be a mistake going to a karaoke bar. It's just a shame that people can't recognize him for who he is today -- a convenience-store manager with keys to the safe.

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Surreal Life

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