Surreal Life
Nude Resort

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: C+ | Grade It Now!
Naked Ambition

Ron's saying that, as they sat there at the table, Ice kept refusing to sing his song, so anyone with half a brain would know not to get up there and sing it for him. But, we're talking about Traci and Trishelle here, who don't have half a brain together. The girls say "Don't be mad at us, Ice," and Traci says they sang the song to honor him and show him he's still the greatest. Ron says that the whole scene was awkward, and that the girls don't have a clue as to how to rap. Or sing. Or breathe through their noses. Erik sneaks Ice a mic under the table and tells him "just do it." Ice finally starts rapping from the table, which whips the crowd into a frenzy. According to him, anyway. Most of the crowd looks bored, as they were in elementary school when this song was a hit. He figured, "Screw it, I'll do it." Ron says that there's no greater thrill than seeing an original artist perform his song at a karaoke bar. You know, unless you're invited to a threesome with Traci Lords and Ginger Lynn. Ice wasn't expecting the crowd to go crazy. So, luckily he wasn't shocked when they remained indifferent to the situation. Tammy Faye says that it was the highlight of the evening, and that it loosened everyone up. Someone says Ice is very down-to-earth. Erik gets on someone's motorcycle outside, and then they sign some autographs and take off. They drop Tammy Faye off at her hotel, and the women do all that drunken, slobbery "We love you Tammy!" crap as she walks into her hotel thanking her Lord and Savior that she doesn't have to hang with the annoying drunk hos all night.

Since they all have a buzz on, they decide to continue the party back at the resort. Traci and Trishelle are stumbling drunks as the camera follows them down the walkway, relying on each other to walk. Trishelle thinks that a hot tub and wine sounds good right about now. They go upstairs to change, but Traci forgets what she's doing and climbs into bed, where Ron massages her legs. Trishelle walks in with her bathing suit on, and Ron remarks that he doesn't think she'll be allowed to wear that in the jacuzzi. She says that he's a porn star and she's not, which seems to hurt his feelings a bit. Like he didn't know he was a porn star. What up wi' dat? Downstairs, Erik and Ice are pretending to be pooping on the kitchen floor, for some reason. I guess just to let people know they haven't stumbled across 7th Heaven by mistake. Someone off-camera says that Vince Neil pissed on the floor in there, which cracks them up. Back upstairs, Traci asks Ron if he has any sexually transmitted diseases; he says he doesn't, and that he has a very healthy penis. That's a total slam against Vince Neil, who apparently can't control his bladder due to his diseased totem pole. It must be true, since I read it in The Star.

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Surreal Life




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