Surreal Life
Softball; Pre-Wedding Jitters

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Uncle Bob: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Softball; Pre-Wedding Jitters

The girls are playing catch outside, warming up for their game. I've gotta admit, I was expecting to see them flailing around like harpooned baby seals, but these gals have got their shiznit together. Vince calls his girlfriend Lia to see if she'd like to play on the girls' team. She agrees to do it by stomping her foot twice. We're then magically transported to the softball field, where we see Lia hugging Vince. My God. This woman's breasts defy gravity. They're actually rising on her chest and pointing skyward. I wonder if her boobie doctor accidently put sacks of helium in there instead of silicone. Jerri shares her strategy on how she's planning to win the game: she's going to do a lot of bending at the waist and squealing like Ned Beatty in Deliverance. Call me old-fashioned, but I sincerely think that rather than show off their derrières, the ladies should flash a little booby at the guys when they're batting. The two teams meet face to face on the field to discuss the stakes involved: the losers have to clean the winners' bathrooms and serve the winners breakfast in bed. Corey adds that the women should have to give the men massages. Ooooo...better hope your ice princess isn't watching this, Monkey-Boy, or you're in for a mountain of trouble. The Playmates look at Corey like he just smeared chimp shit on his teeth and asked for a French kiss. It's probably safe to say that he won't be on the receiving end of a Playmate massage in this lifetime. Manny Mo speaks up and says that the massage idea is a master stroke, and he wants in on some of that touchy-feely action. Shit, Webster -- my ass even cringed at that remark and it takes a lot for me to go "Ewwwww!"

The game begins, and Corey's been assigned the pitcher position. He's horrible. He's gawdawful. He's...he's Feldmanesque. He throws the ball softly (taking the name of the game literally) and half the balls barely land anywhere near the batters. One ball sails over to an elderly woman walking her dog near the field, and pops her in the head. You can tell the Playmates are frustrated with Corey because they're savage competitors when it comes to softball, while he's little more than a stinky corpse testicle. Gabby says that she's glad Corey is the world's worst softball pitcher because it gives her something to heckle. At that point, we see Gabby doing one of those "Heyyy batterbatterbatter" things, except she's acting like a Bonanza-era Indian with Tourette's Syndrome making the kinds of sounds you'd normally hear coming from Siegfried and Roy's bedroom. Meanwhile, Corey almost beans a Playmate in the ass with yet another wildly errant pitch, and she looks like she's about to beat on the brat with a baseball bat while a really small warped part of America cheers her on.

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Surreal Life

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