Back at the dance club, Vince is rolling his eyes back into his head while techno music throbs in the background. Barbie comes up for air and winks at the camera; her eyelashes get tangled and she goes back under the table for more of her Vinnie sandwich.
Over at the Olympic Garden, Gabby's had enough wang for the night. A soccer mom who's desperately trying to be hip can only take so many hairy balls slapping her on the cheek before she snaps and bolts out the door. She tells the other girls that she's sorry, but that she has to leave the premises immediately. Brande shakes her drunken head in agreement and begins to share her stories of wearing a white suit out in public only to have them soiled by George, the friendly bloody gardener, but Gabba Gabba Hey has left the building. Outside, Gabby's trying to explain her actions. She wanted to be a good sport about the massive penes shoved repeatedly in her face when she was trying to get her drink on, but it all just felt a wee bit skanky after awhile. She doesn't want to talk about it anymore, and walks away from the camera. Five seconds later, she turns around and admits that the reason she left is because her mama was murdered by a male stripper. Naturally, we at home are shocked by this revelation as a collective gasp is heard throughout the nation, forming a veritable Gasps Across America. Apparently, the year was 1978, and her mother snuck out of the Carteris household to feed her addiction: male strip clubs. Her mom went to one of the seediest clubs in town -- "The Cock of The Block," home to one of the best strippers in the business, Don "Porkchop" Dong. Porkchop was known for his massive stripper pee-pee, measuring 17" long and a whopping 26" in diameter. On this fateful night, Gabby's mom went to put a dollar in Porkchop's Speedo. When he went to thrust his hips violently in her face to thank her, his whopper connected with the side of her head, jerking her head back and causing her to fall into a pit of piranhas that just happened to be in the club that evening enjoying the hot stripper action. Then, at her mother's funeral, someone thought it'd be funny to place a picture of Porkchop Dong in her casket along with a rubber life-like dildo in her tiny dead hand. That's the backstory on why Gabby can't stand to be in a strip club. And seriously, who can blame the poor girl? Nobody, not even Corey, should have to see their dead mother in a casket gripping a 10" rubber penis.
Over at Fatburger, Hammer's got James Brown's "Get Up Offa That Thing" playing on the jukebox as he busts a move for his "fans." Hammer says that wherever he goes, the love he shares with his fans becomes apparent to the other Surreal castmates. I guess he considers drunken teenagers that only remember one of his songs as "fans." Hammer insists that Manny Mo come groove for the drunken patrons' amusement as well, so Manny hits the floor and does these really lame "Vogue" moves and then walks away before everyone starts to pick him up and toss him around like a human beach ball. Thank God Hammer had the common sense to not ask Corey to step out and moonwalk and do all of Michael Jackson's moves again. Once in one night is enough. I want to note once again: Hammer is certainly loud and boisterous in Fatburger. If he hadn't had a production crew with him, I get the feeling his Chinese Typewriting ass would be firmly behind bars at the Las Vegas City Jail right now.