Previously on The Surreal Life, Gabby reminded us that Corey's spent the last six weeks going out of his way to alienate himself from the rest of the cast as we see footage of Corey antagonizing everyone individually. Vince admitted that it's always drama when Corey is involved -- and not cool drama like The Sopranos; more like Little House on the Prairie drama.
Jerri lets us know that Corey has called "a meeting" (she actually uses air quotes) with everyone in the house. Gabby has her reservations about the impending meeting, saying that part of her thinks it's going to just amount to another dramatic moment for Corey, all about Corey. As the castmates all gather in the living room, the smirking is at an all-time high. Corey is pacing nervously in the hallway, waiting for the spotlight to shine upon him. Hammer wonders if it's going to be another big dramatic moment or Corey's long-awaited nervous breakdown. Regardless, something has to give. Corey makes his grand appearance amid a large fanfare ringing loudly in his head. He tells the others that whatever differences they may have had in the past week, speaking for himself, none of it has been in haste. He has no hard feelings toward anyone. Oh thank God. Hell hath no fury like a Feldman scorned. He reminds everyone that he's an extremely sensitive human being and that certain things really affect him emotionally like...oh, everything. Everyone is doing a really great job of looking like they're actually paying attention to Corey while he speaks.
Corey continues his droning monologue, saying that he hopes they can all walk away and remember the best things about each other; he adds that he's excited that they'll all be sharing in his wedding the next day. He then begins to cry because he realizes he hasn't done a goddamned thing that would even be close to be considered a "good thing" for the others to remember him by. I mean, really...think about it. Has this greasy fuckpig done anything remotely redeemable throughout this series? "I'm sorry," he says, wiping at his eyes and crying yet again for the cameras as six pairs of eyes roll around him. Honestly, does this shit ever stop? Vince is biting his lip, trying not to laugh at this ignorant shitbrain who's once again going to great lengths to prove he's not really an asshole, and failing miserably. Even Mercedes the dog twists her neck around to see what the hell this moron's crying about this time. Naturally, none of the others is getting choked up; they're just sitting there staring at him and waiting for his fake breakdown to end. Finally, Brande decides to pipe up: "Do you want us to help you pack? Would that help?" Everyone bursts out laughing, including Corey in a rare display of pretending to understand what's going on around him. Hammer says he thinks it was big on Corey's part to speak his piece, and that he had been waiting for Corey to step up to the plate and make such an announcement. Love him or hate him, Hammer's really coming off as the class act on this show. Then again, it's not like there was a really tough competition for the slot. Meanwhile, in Vince's interview, he speaks for the rest of the cast members who aren't currently employed as ministers. "It was annoying," he says. "You know what, dude? I don't care." Corey calls for a group hug, and everyone reluctantly gets up to hug his skanky ass. Jerri says she thinks this meeting gave Corey peace of mind and that they all walked away feeling better about the wedding and where they're all going after this adventure is over. Which, in Corey's case, means going back to the 7-11 and cleaning out the hot dog machine.