Meanwhile, apparently Susie is racing the ring-bearer out the front door, both desperately trying to get out of this place before it opens up and exposes itself as the portal to Hell, because she's taking her sweet-ass time coming down the aisle. Manny Mo stands up to see if he can spot her, and Vince admonishes him, giving him a stern look and silently telling him to sit down. Like Vince is his dad or something. Sorry folks, but that's one bizarre relationship between those two. Susie finally starts walking down the aisle, dragging some befuddled derelict with her. Oh. That must be her dad. Corey says it was a dream come true for him when he saw her, meaning that most chicks would have sobered up and been shacking up with Chris from The Partridge Family by now. I'll admit, Susie has a beautiful dress. I'm no fashion hound, but it's really pretty. Of course, she's accumulating a great deal of grass stains and Mercedes shit all over her train as she walks, but that's to be expected. That's what makes it surreal. Vince is rubbing his eye, which makes it look like he's getting all weepy, but upon closer inspection, he's just checking his watch to see if this bullshit is over with yet. Hammer kicks off the ceremony, and then the rabbi chirps that Susie and Corey will be reading vows they have written for one another. I will transcribe them verbatim now. In case it's not painfully obvious, Corey's vows rhymed. More than likely, I'm guessing they're the lyrics to his new hit single "I'm Smackin' That Ass Up Tonight."
Corey: "You alone I need. You alone I love. You are the answer to my prayers, sent from up above. Trusting with my heart. For the first time in my life. Innocent the love you gave. So beautiful, my wife."
Susie: "From the moment I first saw you, I thought you'd probably have a fly ride and a few grams of blow in your pocket. As the months have gone by and I've grown to know you, I realize you ain't got shit. Fuckin' Webster over there's got a flyer ride than that piece of shit '82 Mustang of yours. I've tried and tried to break up with your ass, but that's about as easy as wishing a herpes sore would go away mere hours before a big date. So fuck it. I'm still young, I've got a few months to kill before summer. Let's get this shit over with."
Naturally, Corey's sobbing during Susie's vows. He's all sniffling and saying, "Oh!" when she says something that he halfway thinks might be halfway considered touching. Vince is either choking up or is jonesing for some more tequila because his face is twitching more than a rabbit all jacked up on crack. The rabbi tells them both to face the crowd on hand and know that there's love in the air or some crazy rabbi shit. Jerri says this is the first time she's seen these two where they honestly looked like they were in love. The rabbi asks Corey if he takes Susie for his wife. Mercedes howls before Corey could give his answer. I'm guessing Vince crammed a finger up the dog's ass to make that happen. Everyone laughs, and nobody takes it as a sure sign of impending personal doom. The rabbi asks him again, and this time Corey blurts, "You better believe it!" A simple "I do" isn't enough for Corey. He's the only guy I've ever seen who was concerned with getting a lame laugh while being married. The rabbi asks Susie if she takes Corey blah blah blah and we see Susie with a veil full of mucus and phlegm. She's literally got snot matted in her veil. I know some men are above such things, but if my bride's veil was coated in popped snot bubbles, we'd be doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel for quite some time until I successfully blocked that heinous sight out of my mind. Anyway, Susie says "I do" like a normal human being. Or rather, the medication that Susie's currently doped up on has her saying that she'll marry him. In a voice-over, Corey says that everyone in the house was supportive of him and there for him and for the first time since he's been there, he felt like everyone was on his side. Uhhhh...no, buddy. They just all know how to act in public. Don't mistake that for friendship, dude.