Surreal Life
Wedding; Goodbyes

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Wedding; Goodbyes

At the reception, Hef says he's moving to Utah with his women, where he will continue harvesting buxom blonde robots whose sole purpose will be to marry fat bloated former rock stars. Vince, who's obviously sloshed to the gills, says that people will be talking about this wedding for years because it was just so surreal. I never, ever, ever thought I'd be saying this for more reasons that you the reader would ever care to know, but hey -- shut up, Vince. Manny introduces the couple and makes a toast to them -- that they'll enjoy each other, love each other, and cherish each other every single moment. And that if they ever give birth to a handicapped kid, get him medical attention and don't sell him to Hollywood to star in some half-assed ABC sitcom. Corey says he'll remember this day for the rest of his life and that his whole life has culminated on this day. I'm in shock because the guy actually used the word "culminated" correctly in a sentence. The two of them dance as all eyes are upon them, just as Corey wanted. Corey then gets onstage, grabs a mic, and says that even though he and his roommates have had their ups and downs, they're still going to perform for their loving fans with an extended rendition of "The Surreal Life Blues." Vince sings, Corey plays guitar, Manny dances, and Gabby does that dance that just scares the living shit out of me. She's jerking her body around like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Meanwhile, members of the Epilepsy Foundation of America are flooding the WB switchboards with complaints over showing Gabby dancing yet again.

Corey and Susie are getting ready to go on their honeymoon while the rest of the cast members are gathered around the kitchen table doing Jell-O shots or telling Corey jokes or something. Corey says he's going to miss them all and Jerri says, "Oh, we'll miss you too!" and Vince lets out a loud guffaw at that remark. Corey makes his way around the table to say goodbye to everyone and no tears are shed. Jerri says that she didn't really know how to feel about him leaving, but now she can honestly say it was a relief. Amen, sister. Pimptard and his woman leave the house, Corey exclaiming, "Goodbye Surreal Life, hello real life!" They get in their limo and take off and America releases a heavy sigh. The rest of the cast members discover a grand feast prepared for them for their last supper together. Gabby's excited about going home, but bummed to leave everyone behind. You know -- everyone except Corey. They make a toast to themselves and then someone absentmindedly adds, "And Corey!" This causes even more laughter. It's like the Munchkins coming out of their shell after the Wicked Witch of the East was crushed by a flying house. Except Corey's still alive and sobbing somewhere.

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Surreal Life

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