The Voice
Blind Auditions Continued, Part 1

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A Vocal Revolution

The Blind Auditions are still going, even though I feel like they could be over already. I mean, each coach only has like, four singers on their team, but that's enough to get a little something started. Sixteen per team is just far too many. I am glad, though, that they stopped doing that set-up recording where Carson gives the contestants an "invitation" to compete on The Voice. The less Carson the better, even if it means locking him in a room and making him soullessly introduce the evening's programming on NBC. Yeah, Carson, I'll be sure to stick around to check out Revolution; thanks for the enthusiastic endorsement.

In a world without power, there would be no The Voice because electricity turns the chairs around. So in the world of Revolution, Melanie Martinez might never be discovered, or seen anyway. Because there wouldn't be lights either, I guess, so the coaches would just be sitting in the dark, wondering who belongs to that voice. That is a show I would watch, BUT HOW WOULD I WITHOUT POWER. Also, Melanie would not be able to show Carson her high-concept photography ("that looks like butterflies in her stomach!" "yeah, that's what I was going for,"). It sure looks like her stylist gave her that two-sided dye job in the dark, though, amiright? Hay-ohhh.

Melanie Martinez sounds like a weak little angel, and I mean that in a good way. As long as she doesn't do too much Bjork stuff we're cool. I respect her for playing all those instruments. She doesn't belt, so Christina doesn't turn around, but Adam and Blake turn their chairs, followed by Cee Lo. Do you think Christina didn't turn around because Melanie sang a Britney song? Or because she's darling?

Blake Shelton compliments Melanie, and pronounces "Bjork" in an amusing way, and this brings Melanie's father, I presume, to a weeping kneel. Adam piggybacked on top of Blake's comment, and Carson said, "now they're fighting over her." Narration program successful, commence installation of sympathy widget. Oh, and Melanie chose Adam, claiming she wanted a coach to help her be an individual. So that's why she didn't choose the guy who dressed up like a giant bird at the Grammys.

Having Cupid of "The Cupid Shuffle" perform on the Blind Auditions is probably about as close as we'll ever get to my ultimate fantasy for The Voice, which is to have a celebrity audition and see which coaches turn around. Like, maybe the celebrity could be bad on purpose and then the celebrities would turn around and be like "aww!" or is this just turning into To Tell the Truth now?

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The Voice

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