Next up is Tje Austin who is helpfully from Austin, Texas. Wouldn't it have been super confusing if he was from Midlands or El Paso? Also, my autocorrect HATES his name, Tje, and keeps changing it to the much more common word "The," so if you see a random "The" in the middle of sentence just use your mental Wite-Out to correct it. Don't blame me, Microsoft just hates your name, dude, sorry! The guy has amazing hair, a great voice, and cowboy white parents. Cee Lo and Adam both want him, and the second Christina sees him she begs for a second chance to push the big red button, which sounds like euphemism for something dirty. The guy picks Cee Lo, because they are the only two black people in the entire auditorium. Tje runs backstage and hugs his cowboy hat wearing dad and big bosomy mom who is wearing mom jeans and probably makes a mean hot dish and, dammit, I want a hug, too.
Carson does some more math out loud and once you realize that every team is getting eight people on it, this whole competition between the judges thing seems extra pointless. Javier Colon of Connecticut is next. He brings his two adorable little girls with him to lure us to his side and get us rooting for him. He sings a sweet rendition of Cindy Lauper's "Time After Time" and accompanies himself on guitar. He does a lot of runs with his voice and Adam and Cee Lo turn around at the same time again and fake curse each other. Then Christina buzzes and gets tears in her eyes. The guy does a great, heartfelt version of the song and eventually even Blake turns around, because the guy's performance deserves that honor, even if it was just a meaningless gesture because clearly he is going with Adam. Adam stakes his claim on Javier based on the idea that he wants to * bleeping * win. Blake claims that he's already a fan. Christina, who was the third to buzz in, points out, rightly, that she is Christina freaking Aguilera. Strangely this does not sway the guy. BECAUSE HE HAS TO PICK ADAM. Like I said, this is increasingly dumb. At any rate, the guy is great and deserves to be successful. So, yeah, Adam Levine and his middling level of C-list success is definitely the guy for you. Seriously, name a song by Maroon 5. JUST ONE! No googling. Now name a song by Christina Aguilera. I have made my point.