Tim Mahoney, age 39, is up next. He is not getting any younger and he feels like this show is his last shot. He heads out on stage and starts singing. A few notes in and Adam Levine is sold. His chair spins and he makes a not-at-all subtle WTF face, but it doesn't matter, he's on his team. So, what's Adam's problem? He kind of thought the guy was a chick. Then Adam says the words "You have a penis" and "Which is cool," and I black out for a while, take a walk and think really hard about the choices in my life. Then Adam and Tim give each other a manly pat on the back, and we move on with our lives. Up next is Julia Eason, an 18-year-old soccer player from California, who sings "Mercy." Her parents beam from the sidelines as she belts it out. Cee Lo turns first, followed quickly by Christina. Blake thinks she deserves to be in the competition, and Christina love love loves her and finds her soulful and distinct and specific? Does "specific"have a different meaning in the music world? Because otherwise, um, whatcha talking about girl? Cee Lo doesn't even bother fighting for her, because she's an 18-year-old girl with vocal runs and big hair -- she is SO Team Christina. And all is right with the world when Julia chooses Christina.
Angela Wolff, a self-proclaimed Georgia peach with an edge, is angling for Blake Shelton, but in order to get his attention, she too is singing a Miranda Lambert song. But then she says she is going to un-follow him on Twitter if he doesn't pick her. So she comes out and, she can really sing, but no one chooses her. Blake explains that he didn't pick her, because there is too much history between him and Miranda and that song. So, note to future hopefuls, DON'T PICK MIRANDA LAMBERT SONGS. Next up is Tyler Robinson, who is 20 and gay. He's gay, but it doesn't define him, but he's gay. His mom still loves him, though. He tells us he is gay about twelve more times and then goes out and sings "Hey Soul Sister" in a little grey blazer and tie, so if you didn't know he was gay before, you may have figured it out. Blake likes what he hears and Tyler is on his team. Also the gay team. When we get back from the break, Carson does some long division out loud, and then Nakia shows up. He is a one-named 36-year-old from Austin who has the cojones (a.k.a. bad judgment) to want to perform Cee Lo's "Forget You." Carson tries to dissuade him, but Nakia is determined, and he goes out and rocks it. Cee Lo buzzes in with a tsk tsk look on his face, but he's also grinning because he is getting royalties for this! Blake buzzes in, too, because the guy is pretty good.